“Taran?”
“He was my second. It was only the four of us: your father, his General Sullius, myself, and Taran. Just us four on those rocks. When I refused to act, Taran rose and defended me. He stabbed your father in the back as he reached out to strike me. Then he fought the general too, all while I stood there and did nothing. I was nothing. Beyond nothing.”
“You forfeited the duel,” I say. Seconds aren’t allowed to step in after the duel begins. It’s dishonorable. “Which means that you didn’t win. Which means…”
“That Adria has a claim to the throne.”
The words hang there in the air between us like poison. Taran, sweet, kind Taran, a man I’d defended to Larus, hadkilled my father, not Ronan. And they’d lied about it, killing my father’s second to cover the lie.
We had won the war. Or we should have, there and then.
But Ronanhaddefeated my father. It was his mercy that cost him the victory.
I don’t know how to feel. On the one hand, Nithyria should have its independence. There are rules of engagement, and Ronan and Taran broke them. They dishonored the arrangement my father made with them, and in doing so, Ronan forfeited the crown.
But on the other hand, he was trying to spare my father’s life. And I can’t blame him for that. Whatever stayed his hand, I can’t blame him for it. I know now what it takes to take a life. I know it isn’t easy. And part of me feels immensely relieved that he wasn’t the one to do it. He’s still the reason my father is dead, but he didn’t die at Ronan’s hand. I don’t know why that matters to me, but it does in some visceral way.
But either way, I know one thing for certain: Adria can’t be queen. Not now. Not knowing what I know about who she is and what she would do to get the crown. What I know she’d do once she had it.
“I need some time to think,” I say to him.
“I understand. No one knows, apart from Taran. Not even Quinn.”
I nod. “I won’t tell anyone.”
“I know.”
Why did he tell me? He could have lied to me. He could have refused to tell me about it at all. Instead, he told me this secret, a secret that could cost him everything. Why?
“Because I trust you,” he says without me even asking the question. “Because I trust you more than I even trust myself.”
He closes the space between us. “And because I want to be with you.” He doesn’t take my hand, but I can feel the phantomtouch of the gesture that I know he wants to make. “And I can’t be with you and keep secrets from you. So this is me. This is everything I’ve kept hidden from the world. It’s up to you to decide what you want to do with it.”
What I want to do with it.
I could use his words to end his reign, or I could carry them with me to my grave after spending a lifetime at his side.
The choice is mine. The power is mine.
But I don’t feel powerful.
What I feel is…
I don’t know. I don’t know what to feel.
“Take me back, please,” I say, and he nods without another word.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
He takes me back to the palace on the griffin, talking to her and tugging on her feathers like he’s guiding a horse.
Which works, shockingly enough. We don’t speak for the ride, but I know he can feel my awe in spite of everything as we pass through the darkening sky. As we glide over Faros, sparkling with candlelight. As we take in another view no one has ever seen before.
I want to be with you,he said. The words echo in my mind.
My desire for him has not waned. If anything, I feel it more than ever knowing what happened out there with my father. The way he felt when confronted with the reality of killing him. The knowledge of what he needed to do, what was best for his people, and his inability to do it. It’s exactly how I feel when I look at him.
I’m also grateful to him for trying to show Father mercy even if he wouldn’t accept it. He gave Father a choice, and Father chose to fight rather than to return to us. To return to me. I don’t care about whatever nonsense code of honor was broken. If showing mercy is dishonorable, then what’s the good in honor?
