She sighs. “Who hasn’t? They’re not wrong, but aside from Alys, everyone dances around the subject. I know there is somethingdifferentabout me. I’m aware that sometimes I’m not the easiest person to put up with. Gods, I can barely put up withmyselfat times.” Her eyes flick up with annoyance. “I could use Osha’s cloaking abilities. It would be remarkable to put up a force field and block out the rest ofthe world.”
I can’t help but chuckle. “I’ve never heard a more relatable statement.” I would love to be a Lightweaver. I would put a force field around Cluain Baile, destroy the fears that lie in the shadows, block out the evil Forayers. My sweet Taig and all my people would have freedom.
If only such powers still existed.
Princess Carys tilts her face into my line of view, and I startle. I wince as blood rushes to my cheeks. “Apologies, Princess.”
She raises a brow, mild amusement creeping into her features. “You are such a daydreamer, Durvla. And drop the formalities. I believe we’ve moved past that now.” She gestures to herself in a dramatic, downward sweep of her hand.
A small smile buds on my face, and I nod before my lips tug down again. “I have episodes too,” I say. Two different types of episodes, or whatever other euphemisms that have been used to diminish the sheer magnitude of the experiences. One is physical, and the other deeply rooted in my mind. “It’s awful being at the mercy of your own mind and body, isn’t it?”
Carys’s eyes are wide as she nods. “Gods, yes.”
“Also, I am very sorry about your mother. I know what it’s like to lose a parent. Both parents.”
Compassion softens her face, and she says, “Condolences.”
“It happened a couple of years ago. I’ve learned to cope.”
“Does it still hurt?”
A plea fills her wide eyes, but the truth is that it hurts to some degree every day. Sometimes I want to tell Ma about my day or ask her for advice, and when I remember that I can’t, it wounds me all over again. I slowly nod and the tiny bit of hope burns away from her.
She inhales slowly, then with the next exhale, she paints a mask of calm on her face. “Well,” she says. “I suppose I’ll have to learn how to cope too.”
“You will,” I assure her. “Just think about all the people who will rely on you. That’s what keeps me going.” I had Taig to keep me going after Ma’s passing.
Color drains from her face as she wets her lips. “People often say ‘listen to your heart,’ but how does one do that when they don’t know what their heart wants?” Pain is evident in her gaze despite the smile she deliberately forces onto her lips. “Every bloody day I’m confronted with so many feelings that I don’t know what to make of them. I don’t know what’s a farce and what’s truth. Underreaction or overreaction? Euphoria or despair? I can’t even decipher between love and lust, hurt and anger. It all feels like one giant cauldron of emotion soup.”
Images of her and Callum flash in my mind and, along with it, so many emotions. “You’re conflicted about Sir Callum.” My words slip out, unbidden, and I flinch as if Carys is about to strike me.
Her immaculate brows raise, her lips pursed. For the briefest moment, I expect a flare of her temper, but the tension in her jaw loosens and she very slowly pushes loose strands of her raven hair back from her face.
Say something.
“I’m… that was out of line. My apologies, Car?—”
“Explain yourself.”
Bewilderment competes with my rising pulse, my sweaty palms. My hand moves toward where my bracelet once circled my wrist before I remember it’s no longer there. Shakily, I slide my sweaty hand over my sleeve.
Carys’s brows are raised. “How are you so sure that I’m conflicted about Callum?”
It just came to me. An inkling that is oddly like a memory. But I can’t say that without sounding mental. “I’ve seen the looks exchanged between the pair of you.” I choose my words verycarefully. “Sir Callum stares at you constantly.”
“He’s my guard.”
“Yes, but the look in his eyes isn’t obligation. It’s… adoration.”
She goes still, her mind calculating. “Go on,” she says after a pause.
My teeth graze my lower lip for a moment, and I inhale deeply. “When you look at him, it’s… flirtatious, playful. You do seem to care for him, but you’re not sure if it goes beyond that…”
A laugh bubbles out of her, taking me by surprise. I blink and my anxiety unfurls. She rubs her hands over her face and mutters something before turning her gaze to me again. “You’re an even better oracle than Ellynne thinks she is.”
I smile—I’ve heard Ellynne’svisions.
“Callum is… tantalizing,” she says.
