He grunts as he leaves to procure my request. I will hide the evidence and bathe before Vakesh comes by in the morning. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt me or lead to potentially embarrassing questions about my own inadequacy.
I leap across the room gleefully when the knock sounds, announcing my late-night delivery. The smile quickly falls from my face when I am met with Vakesh on the other side, half brooding, half cheeky smile. He raises the jug of ale, swinging it on his finger as he quirks a brow.
I pull my shoulders back, raise my chin defiantly with a simple, “Thank you,” and reach for the jug.
He only snatches it away before pushing his way into my room.
“I didn’t realize the captain was one of your spies,” I say sweetly, adjusting the sheet wrapped around my body. Closing the door, I mentally prepare for the disappointment that is undoubtedly about to spill from his lips.
“A small piece of advice,mi’ajna?” He smiles. “Simply assume for the rest of your life that everyone you ever meet is one of my spies and you will never be caught off guard again.”
It’s good advice, but I’m not about to tell him just how seriously I’m going to take it.
Vakesh settles into the chair opposite my cot, so I make myself comfortable on the edge of my bed. He sets the jug on the table, tauntingly, and pushes it slowly toward me.
“Want to talk about it?” he asks, crossing his arms across his chest as he pins me with a stare.
“Not really,” I admit.
“You and I had a deal. Get it under control or I put you off the ship before we reach A’kori.”
I want to scream that we hadn’t made a deal, that he is being a domineering ass, and that he needs to mind his own business. But he’s right, and we both know it. I can’t drink myself into oblivion every night, and all it will take is one episode, a single morning where I wake fighting for my life, and no one will ever let me near the king.
“Was it not—” Vakesh sighs, and I watch, puzzled, as he tries to gather his thoughts. “Did the lesson not have the desired affect?”
“I told you it did,” I answer, my brow pinching in confusion.
“But you didn’t care for it?” he guesses, nodding his head as if that is the only reasonable conclusion. “You really should at least attempt ityourself. It is an entirely different experience.”
I swallow the lump in my throat and will my cheeks not to flush. I haven’t felt like such a child since I rounded the stables at the age of twelve and found a boy of my year with his pants around his ankles and a hand full of himself. After demanding the boy’s name, Leanna had drawn me a rather crude anatomical diagram to explain what exactly it was I’d seen, and I never saw the boy again.
“Or don’t try it at all,” Vakesh quickly adds, with a dismissive flick of his wrist, unwilling to bring his eyes to mine. “It isn’t for everyone and if it isn’t something you enjoyed—”
“I did,” I say, and his eyes shoot to mine. “I did enjoy it.”
“But?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.
“But…”
How on Terr does he expect me to have this conversation with him without humiliating myself?
I cross my legs, and his eyes traverse my skin as the sheet falls to the side, baring me to the hip. I have never felt the need to be overly modest around him before, but now, for reasons I’m still trying to devise, the small ribbon of flesh on display feels vulnerable. Yet there is an undeniable sense of power in it as well.
“Do you remember when we began my dagger lessons?” I ask.
He smiles and chokes out a small laugh that he quickly hides behind a horrendously fake cough as he schools his features. I squint my eyes at him in mock anger. He promised never to laugh about it again. I suppose he is doing his best, and all things considered, I can hardly blame him.
“You made it look so easy,” I continue, “You stood in the yard and threw dagger after dagger, each crowding the other at the center of the target.”
His eyes gleam and I can see that he is lost in the memory that we share.
“You were so sure of yourself, you never hesitated, never faltered. As I watched you, I remember thinking for a moment that I could be just as good as you, if only I had your confidence.”
His mouth cracks into a genuine toothy grin, it’s glorious.
“You never told me that,” he says, choking down another laugh. “Ialways wondered what you were thinking when you plucked a dagger from the rack and looked me in the eye as you threw the blade across the yard without so much as a glance toward the target.”
His entire face turns beet red as veins begin to bulge in his neck and forehead.
