For him.
Anything he wanted, it could be his right now, if he only told me how to help him. How to let us run, once more.
This time we won’t be stupid.
We won’t go anywhere connected to Burbank Gates.
We won’t put ourselves in the worst place imaginable.
I am sick of tunnels, corridors, flickering lights, monsters in the dark who are nothing like my own monster, trapped within these walls.
“But nightmares always followed because you are fated for heaven and I will forever be buried in hell. Leave me, because if something happens to you while you foolishly,stupidlytry to save me, I will never forgive you.”
I slam my hands against the door again.
And again.
And I tip my head back, then crash my skull to it, a wave of dizziness nearly forcing me to my knees.
“Karia, stop.”It’s as if he knows. We are so close, he can tell which part of my anatomy I am abusing for him.
I blink past the pain and force myself to stay upright. “I don’t want your fucking forgiveness. What will I do with it if you are nothing but bone? Tell me how to save you, tell me how?—”
“You can’t. I am forever damned.Now leave me here, andget the fuck out.”
I hear it. How it cost him to say those words, and not just in his heart. There is a labored quality to his breathing. He is not as cruel in his tone as usual. Something has happened to him, beyond being trapped in this tomb. I think of the blood on Stein’s shirt.
I imagine grabbing the former leader’s lapels, dragging him to the fire, shoving his head inside, watching his flesh melt from his body, droppings of fat and grease puddling on the floor, skin liquified.
It wouldn’t be harsh enough for what he has done to his son.
To what he has done tous.
“What did he do to you?” I snarl. “What did hedo,Sullen?”Don’t make me leave you. Don’t let this end us. Do not.
“Go, Karia. I will say nothing else.” His voice breaks. “I have nothing to give you. Leave me. I am silent now.”
No.
I pull back, pounding frantically on the door.
Over and over, the heels of my hands aching.
I do not stop when the sharpness lights up my wrists.
And when I get no where, when I don’t tear the fucking divide between us down, I crash my shoulder against it. A gasp wrenches free from my lips, and I swear I hear his sharp intake of breath, but he says nothing. He is stubborn and wicked and he will give me nothing else.
I am silent now.
The fuck you are, Sullen Rule.
“What did he do?” I am screaming it as I use my shoulder like a battering ram, debasing myself for him. “What did hefucking do?”I slam into the wall, an ache lighting up my entire side.
I don’t care.
I am beyond polish now.
I do it again.
