“Tell me what to do.” I speak more firmly, still frantically fluttering my hands around what I think is a door. I slam my fists against it forcefully,loudly,when he doesn’t answer me.“Tell me what the fuck to do, Sullen!”My voice is harsh; I hardly recognize it.
I scratch my fingernails along the door, wincing at the pain as I drive deeper against what I think is unyielding wood.
I drag them down the surface, then ball my hand into a fist and crash it against the wall once more.
A jarring pain lights along my wrist, down my forearm, but I do it again.
And again.
A gasp leaves my lips.
And he says, the moment I hit the door again, “You want to know what to do? You’re going to listen toexactlywhat I say, and that is this: Leave me here, andrun.”
I roll my eyes even as tears spill from them, warm on my cheeks. “You’re so stupid,” I whisper, banging my fist on the wood again, using my other hand to slide along the surface, searching for anything at all. “Is this a door? How do I open it? What happened to you? There was blood,” my throat tightens, “on his…” I can’t say the nightmare’s name. “On his shirt. What happened, Sullen?” I bang both palms against the door, then again, hard enough to hurt. I press my temple to the surface, closing my eyes as my exhaustion weighs on me.
He’s right here.
He’s right here.
“Tell me what happened.Right fucking now,Sullen Rule,tell me?—”
“Leave, Karia.” He is so cruel. “Do you know what I’ve done to you? Do you not remember?Leave me.This is not… what you think it is. I have tried to tell you… all along.” The words slice, but I am not stupid. I know this trick.
Besides, there is a gasping quality to his voice.
Something is so wrong.
I slap my palms against the door again, the wicked sting causing my eyes to water more. “Shut the fuck up,” I snarl. “Youcalled out for me.You called to me.So shut up, and tell me how to get to you.”
“You wouldn’t say something like that to my face, would you, Little Sun?” Something lascivious creeps into his tone, bringing heat to my cheeks and an impossibly strongerneedcoursing through my veins.
“What would you do if I did?” I whisper, my lips grazing the cool surface of the door. I press my ear so close to it, like I could hear him breathe. See him living, if I only meld into the wood, fuse with the sound of his voice.
“I think you know,” he replies, still struggling with what sounds like simply breathing. “I think you understand now, who and what I am.”
“Mine.”It comes out without thought. “You aremine,that’s what. That’s who.”
A pause of tainted silence.
I don’t let myself think about Stein. About his guards. Or the footsteps I thought I heard before I stepped into the warm room.
I am only here.
I am only with Sullen, now.
“Is it?” he asks, and I don’t hear any hint of his deadpan humor inside the question. “Am I?”
My stomach flips. I feel sick and furious and miserable all at once.
“Am I not yours, too?” I squeeze my eyes shut. I am pressed so tightly to the door, sweat forms along my belly, my cheek, my wrists.
“If you are, you will obey me.”
I almost smile. “You are not god.”
Another heartbeat of quiet. Then, “I dreamed of being your god, once upon a time.” It sounds like a confession.
I would get on my knees for it.
