Paige rolls her eyes good-naturedly. “I was marching in a protest, and things got a bit heated when there was a confrontation with the police. Someone pushed me, and I fell and sprained my ankle. Grady was on duty and helped me up, made sure I was okay, and got me out of the ruckus. Then he asked me for my name and number and I refused to give it to him because I thought he was going to get me in trouble or something for being at the protest. Turns out he just wanted it so he could ask me out.”
“I love that.” I place my hand over my heart. “Can I ask you something?”
I add some orange to my sunset to make the transition a little better.
“Of course.” Paige picks up her wineglass and turns her stool away from the easel so she’s facing me.
“Does he have a problem with what you do for a living? Isn’t he jealous?”
She shakes her head. “I told him straight up before we even went on a date that I’m a stripper and that I wouldn’t be quitting for any man. He knew that if he couldn’t handle it, then he could fuck all the way off.”
I can’t help but grin. “I love your confidence.”
“That said, he would never come in while I’m working. There’s no point in causing problems for myself.” Paige winks.
“That makes sense.” I study my painting for a beat and decide to add pale pink into the sunset at the bottom. “What’s it like out there on stage?”
“Are you thinking about giving it a try?” Renee asks as if she’s scandalized.
I shake my head rapidly. “No, I could never. I’m just wondering if you feel the way you appear out there.”
“And how do we appear?” Paige asks.
“Powerful. In control. Like you’re in charge.”
Before I ever stepped foot in a strip club, I assumed that the women would feel degraded and worthless, and maybe that’strue in some instances, but it certainly isn’t the case at The Black Orchid. Or it doesn’t seem to be.
“I can’t speak for everyone, but that’s how I feel,” Renee says. “There’s power in knowing I’m providing a life for myself and not relying on anyone else to do it.”
We both look over at Paige.
“Agreed. I feel sexy when I’m onstage and looking out into that crowd. Turning on a man always makes you feel powerful, even if it’s notyourman.”
“When I started, I used to worry more about how I looked and whether I had a dimple on my ass or if my boobs looked good in a certain outfit. But you realize very quickly that the men literally do not care. At all.”
I think about what they’re saying, and I can see it. I can see how turning any man on feels good even if you have no desire to be intimate with him.
The instructor comes over. “Ladies, how are we doing? Do any of you need any help?”
We abandon the topic at hand, and I watch as the instructor answers a question Renee and Paige have. A few months ago, I would have thought I had nothing in common with a stripper,anystripper. I never would have thought we could ever be friends.
My life had always been black and white, right and wrong, moral and immoral. I’m starting to realize that there are shades of gray to everything. Maybe everything isn’t as rigid as I always thought it was.
I smile as I bring the paintbrush back to the canvas. I’m glad I made this move. Not only am I learning so much about life, but I’m learning so much about myself too.
Sharing a little with the girls earlier tonight made me want to open up to Taylor about everything going on between Bast and me, so when I arrived home, I told him I had to make a phone call and disappeared into my room.
“Oh, you are alive,” Taylor answers my video call. She’s in her apartment.
“I’m sorry, I’ve been busy, that’s all.”
“Are you sure you’re not avoiding me?” She gives me a stern look.
“Why would you say that?” I lean back on the headboard.
She gives me a “duh” look. “Because I know you, Hattie. And you’re the worst liar. It’s obvious when you’re trying to keep something from me. Is everything okay?” Her voice is filled with concern.
Now I feel guilty for keeping everything from her for so long. “Everything is fine. Great, actually, but you’re right, I do have something to tell you.”
