Lately, I’m a giddy schoolgirl who wants to doodle Bast’s initials in my notebook all day. I’m not sure if it’s the sex or him or a combination of both, but I’ve never felt like this before. Even with Rich.
I want to shake my head when I think back to my relationship with Rich. Comparing what I feel when I’m with Bast versus what I felt when I was with Rich, they’re not even close. I must have been fooling myself to think that Rich and I had what it would take to go the distance.
Not that that’s what I’m thinking about Bast. I have no idea what we are. Nothing, I suppose. I’m not sure I’d call him my boyfriend even though he did take me out on a date. Lover sounds ridiculous. I keep telling myself not to worry about the label because it doesn’t matter. I’m figuring out who I am, and when being with him stops feeling like the right thing to do, I’ll end it.
“Earth to Hattie.”
I blink a few times, and the canvas I’m working on comes into view. I turn my head to see Renee and Paige looking at me with amusement.
“Sorry, I must have zoned out.”
“No shit,” Renee says with a laugh. “What has you so distracted?”
“Nothing. Just daydreaming.” I pick up the wineglass that’s on the table with all the paints and brushes the instructor provided for the activity tonight.
“It’s a guy. I can tell,” Paige says.
I shake my head. “You cannot.”
She narrows her eyes and points her paintbrush at me. “You’ve got it bad for someone.”
I sigh, wishing I could talk to them about what’s going on between Bast and me, but I can’t. Which is horrible because they could probably offer me the advice I need. Then again, maybe I can tell them something. I like these women, and I want to get closer to them. I realize how lonely I really was in Wisconsin now that I have some female companionship in my life.
“There is someone I’m interested in, and we’re sort of seeing each other, but we haven’t put a label on it, you know? Which is fine. It’s a bit of an unusual circumstance.” I dip my paintbrush in the pale-yellow paint and bring it to my canvas.
“What’s unusual about it?” Renee asks, voice filled with concern.
“We’re not really dating, I don’t think, but we’re…” My face heats at just thinking about saying the words.
“You’re banging?” Renee asks, and I nod. “Nothing wrong with that.” She shrugs and looks at Paige, who nods her approval.
“I know that there’s nothing technically wrong with it. I’m an adult and can make my own choices, but I was raised in the church, so it feels complicated for me.”
Renee gets up off her stool to stretch side to side. “What was that like?”
To my surprise, there’s no judgment from either woman when I explain my upbringing. In the past, anyone who wasn’t a Christian or had spent a lot of time at church would look at me as though I were a member of some cult or something. Their judgment was always clear in their eyes. But Renee and Paige listen intently and ask some questions when they want me to elaborate.
“So you feel like you’re doing something wrong.” Paige’s words don’t really come out like a question.
“Basically, yeah, a little. Even though I’m enjoying the heck out of it.”
All three of us laugh, and when we’re done, Renee takes her seat again. “To each their own. I wasn’t raised religious at all, but I think the only person’s opinion that should matter to you is your own. You’re a good person, Hattie. Someone only has to be around you for a few minutes to see that much. I think that’s what matters most, not whether some guy you are or are not officially seeing is giving you good orgasms.”
I laugh again. Renee has a way of putting things that is always so amusing to me.
“Do you guys have anyone in your lives?” They’ve never mentioned anyone, but we haven’t spent that much time together.
Renee shakes her head. “I have no time. It would mean getting a babysitter for my son, and there’s hardly anyone I’d trust with him. Plus, my experience with my ex kind of turned me off the idea for now.”
I hope that she’s able to find someone special at some point. She deserves happiness.
“What about you, Paige?” I ask.
She studies her canvas for a beat, fixing something with her paintbrush before turning to look at me. “I have a boyfriend. We’ve been together for almost a year now.”
I don’t know why that surprises me. I mean, I’m sure both of these women have no lack of men propositioning them at the club. “Where did you guys meet?”
“Oh, I love this story.” Renee giggles, leaning back from her canvas and picking up her wineglass.
