“Feeling not worth it doesn’t mean youarenot worth it.” She searches for my eyes and holds my gaze. “Who taught you that?”
I huff out a breath, knee still bouncing. “My dad, Iguess. After our mom died, all he cared about was hockey. If you didn’t score, you didn’t matter.”
“You learned love is conditional. And in that moment, your old belief bubbled up. The distance between you and Tori felt bigger — more like confirmation.”
I nod, my chest tight and heavy.
“Bennett, what did you need from her that night?”
“I needed her to pick me. That’s all. One touch, something.”
Dr. Sparks nods. “You wanted a signal from her that you mattered.”
I swallow over the lump in my throat. “Yeah.”
“What would that have looked like to you?”
“Nothing big. A hand on my arm. A glance. Anything that told people I meant something. I’m not just some dumb hockey player she’s managing.”
“It’s okay to want that. It’s also okay she may not have understood what you needed in that moment.”
I sit with that for a second. “I never told her that.”
“Right. And people aren’t mind readers. What do you want to ask her for now?”
I bite the inside of my cheek again, close my eyes for a second before answering.
“I’m not sure there is a ‘now’.”
“What do you mean?” Dr. Sparks tips her head.
“I texted her last night.”
“What did you say?”
I crack my knuckles, staring at the bold red numbers on the clock. “I’m sorry.”I suck in another breath. “Because after everything—all the time we spent together, her careful coaching—I still spiraled. I was reckless. Out of control.”
Dr. Sparks folds her hands together, locking her gazeon mine. “You reacted. Then apologized. What did she say?”
I scrub a hand over the back of my neck. “Nothing. She didn’t respond.”
We sit in silence for a long minute.
Finally, Dr. Sparks speaks. “You apologized to earn love. She didn’t respond. And your brain turned that into proof you’re unworthy.”
“Maybe...”
“I’m sorry isn’t ‘I need you.’ Or ‘I miss you.’ Or ‘please talk to me.’”
I swipe my palms on my shorts again, shift on the sofa.
“And no response doesn’t automatically mean rejection. It could also mean I’m sleeping. Busy with work. Not sure what to say.”
I kick at the rug, thinking.
Could Tori have missed the message?
Doubtful. She’s on her phone 24-7.
