And I blew it.
“So once you were alone, you lost control.”
I nod, unable to admit that out loud.
“What were you trying to shut off when you got back to your hotel room?”
God, I don’t want to answer this.
“Rejection, I guess.”
“Whose rejection?”
I pick at a sharp edge on my thumbnail, flicking it back and forth. Finally, I answer.
“Tori’s.”
“Because what would it say about you if Tori rejected you?”
A swell of heat bubbles up from my gut and to my horror, tears prick at the corners of my eyes.
I cannot fucking cry right now. Like a damn baby.
I shove off the couch, channeling the awful feeling into movement. Hand on the cool doorknob, I twist.
“You can leave if you need to. Before you go, take one deep breath with me.”
I freeze, my eyes locked on the white of the wood door panel.
Inhale.
Exhale.
One more time.
“You came in here today. Part of you wants this.” Her voice brings me back to the present and I calm down enough to pause. Remember Callum’s words in the locker room.
Some things are worth fighting for.
I sit back down on the sofa, knee bouncing. “What was the question?”
“If Tori rejected you, what would that mean?”
I close my eyes and answer in a whisper.
“I’m not worth it.”
Dr. Sparks doesn’t say anything, just lets the horrible admission sit there between us.
Finally, she says, “That’s a heavy belief to carry.”
A shaky feeling rakes through me and I press my lips into a thin, tight line, trying to hold it together.
“Yeah.”
“That’s the belief that shows up when you’re alone.”
Again, I nod.
