“I thought I was protecting my work and my son, but what I was actually doing was stifling them. It was a hard realization, admitting that the control I thought was so necessary was fucking everything up.”
That got a startled laugh out of her.
“Then you came into my life and brought messy, beautiful joy into our home, just by being you. Not because it was a corporate directive or advice from some expert. You radiate this…joy. Just being around you was enough to make us happy. You turned our house into a true home during an incredibly challenging transition. I can’t even imagine how bumpy it would’ve been without you to guide us.”
Pink rose in her cheeks at the compliments. I wasn’t even close to finished.
“You being with us made us feel like we were finally a family. You stepped in and made us whole. Not by trying to take Eleanor’s place but by being Noah’s parent in your own way. You had an immediate bond with him, and it grew stronger every day you were together. It was beautiful to watch.”
“He’s a very special boy,” Nina said softly.
“He is,” I agreed. “And he loves you, very much.”
That was enough to kick off the waterworks, but she remained silent as the tears slid down her cheeks. It took everything in my power to keep from striding over to her and wrapping her in my arms, but I knew my touch wouldn’t be welcome yet. Besides, I still had plenty more to say.
“That’s why I wanted to give you this, if you’re comfortable with it,” I said as I reached into my blazer pocket and pulled out thepaperwork. I walked it over to her. She eyeballed the stack with clear suspicion.
“Logan, you can’t buy my forgiveness, whatever that is. A deed to a boat? A receipt for a pony? It doesn’t matter what it is, I don’t want it.” Nina wiped away her tears and took a step back from me. “I came here to drop off Noah’s present, and that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll just leave it here.”
She placed the toaster-sized box on the ground and started speed walking away from me.
“Wait, Nina, can you at least look at what it is?”
I chased after her as my heart sank. The cheerful birdsong all around us felt like the exact wrong soundtrack for the moment.
“Nina, please…” I was losing my chance. Worry clawed at my insides. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.
“Just look at the documents. I’m begging you.”
I held out the stack to her desperately. Her eyes bounced between the paperwork and my face, still wary and untrusting. She finally reached out to take them from me and unfolded them slowly.
I watched her mouth the words as she read, and her eyes widened as the meaning sank in.
“You…you want me to become one of Noah’s legal guardians? On par with you?”
I inched my way closer to her. “I want that more than anything.”
Her chin trembled, but even as I read theyesin her eyes, Nina shook her head. “I’m sorry, Logan, but I can’t.” A tear slipped down her cheek as she held up the guardianship papers. “This isincredibly thoughtful, and you know how much I love Noah, but I can’t put myself back in the same situation.”
A fear like I had never known gripped my chest. It was different than the fear of hearing Noah scream in pain. “I’m messing this up.”
Nina shook her head again. “No,” she insisted. “You’re not. I completely understand?—”
I stepped closer to her again. “You don’t,” I said, cutting off whatever she was about to say. “I’m the one that fucked up. I shouldn’t have started with the guardianship papers.”
Her brows furrowed. “So you don’t want me to be Noah’s guardian?”
“No, I do.” The words came out in a rush, and I hated myself just a little bit more. Why was it so hard to tell this woman how I felt? Everything about her left me entirely off-balance. “I did this out of order. You should know how I feel first.”
Nina swallowed hard. “How you feel?” she echoed.
“Yes, I?—”
“Daddy!”
We both jumped in shock. At some point, Noah had found his way out to us and had been watching everything unfold in the shadow of the hedgerow. Thankfully, the rest of his party guests weren’t with him. I could only hope they were still inside, fully distracted by the movie and the endless snacks.
“Oh, hey, buddy,” Nina exclaimed, her confusion immediately camouflaged for his benefit. “Happy birthday!”
