If things went according to plan, of course, which brought me back to the potential for fuckups.
Sure, Nina had agreed to stop by today for Noah’s birthday party. But what if she changed her mind, opting to mail her birthday gift for Noah instead of dropping it off herself? Or what if she decided to give it to someone at the door and leave?
I paced on the gravel in front of the greenhouse under relentless sunshine. We’d opted to hold the party at my father’s house because Noah wanted to swim. Of course, Dad was more than happy to open our home for one last hurrah. I touched my hand to the interior blazer pocket to make sure the papers were there, even though I’d just tucked the documents in a few minutes before.
I was ready…wasn’t I? Shit,wasI ready? I’d never felt so uncertain in my life. I had zero doubts about what I wanted, but what if she didn’t agree?
“You’ve got this,” I said out loud as I started pacing. “It’s going to work out. Ithasto work out. Right? There’s no other option.”
Talking to myself actually felt good, and there was no one around to hear me acting like a weirdo, so I kept it up.
“Yeah, you fucked up, big-time, but you can turn it around. Just don’t be a fucking idiot.”
“Is that even possible?”
The voice startled me. I spun around to find Nina watching me wearing a half smile that looked forced.
Still. She’d made it past the initial two hurdles of showing up and then meeting me at the greenhouse, where I’d told the staff to send her. Now it was all up to me.
“Oh, hey. You’re, uh, you’re here,” I stumbled on my words. “Hi.”
Nina glanced around the yard. “I’m shocked you’re not doing your little soliloquy in front of an audience of kids. Expanding their vocabulary like that is sort of your move, right?”
She wasn’t letting me off easy. Fine. I could handle it, as long as she didn’t leave. Somehow, she looked even more stunning than I remembered in a light-green top and jean shorts. She was clutching a brightly wrapped gift that was probably going to wind up being Noah’s favorite, no matter what was inside.
I grinned at her, sheepish at the reminder of our first meeting. “I like to think I’ve mellowed since then.”
“Hmm,” she replied, eyebrow cocked and clearly dubious. “Anyway, the guy who answered the door told me that Noah and the rest of the kids were out here?” Nina glanced around. “Is this, like, a massive game of hide-and-seek?”
“Sorry, I told him to tell you that, but the kids are actually in the media room watching a screener of the new Slimy Kid movie. I pulled some strings to get it before it released.”
“Of course you did,” she huffed out a mirthless laugh. “You can move mountains, everyone knows that. It’s how you fix every problem.”
Shit. We were already off to a bad start.
“Anyway, I don’t want to interrupt Noah’s fun, so here’s his gift.” Nina stepped closer to me, holding the package out. “Please tell him I said?—”
“Wait,” I interrupted her. “I was hoping to say a few things to you. That’s why I arranged for us to meet out here.”
She sighed. “Logan, there’s nothing left to say. You made your feelings perfectly clear to me. I highly doubt there’s anything you can say that will change my perspective.”
I paused to gather my courage.
“How about sorry?”
Nina’s face flashed with pain, but she didn’t respond. I cleared my throat and pushed on.
“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop during your last conversation with Noah, I swear. But what you said about apologies and forgiveness…it was a wake-up call for me. It made me realize not only that I need to apologize to you for the way I treated you but also that you deserve to hear me tell youwhyI’m sorry.”
She pursed her lips like she was holding herself back from speaking, which I appreciated. I’d practiced my speech until it was perfect, and I needed to plow through it without interruptions. I knew how I wanted this run-in to end, but even if Nina didn’t forgive me, I still needed her to understand that she’d changed me.
“I’ve always needed to feel in control. I thought that that was the only way to keep everything from getting out of hand. You picked up on that immediately.”
Nina rolled her eyes, nodding a little. I took it for encouragement.
“Obviously, that’s how I run my business. I obsess over every little detail, and I’m hands-on with everything. It was also my approach at home—and if it ever seemed like it wasn’t working, I just doubled down and tried to control thingsmore. When Noah was so unhappy after losing his mom, I obsessed over following his therapist’s advice to the letter, because I needed to feel I was doing everything possible to make sure Noah was safe and looked after.”
Her expression softened a little at the confession. I pressed on.
