She winces upon straddling me and lets out a small groan. “Ouch, I ache.”
I frown. “Are you okay?” I checked earlier if she had been wounded and had not seen or felt anything.
“I’ll live,” she groans again, already climbing off of me and looking around for her clothes. “We should get back to the others.”
Coiling my lower tail up her leg, I snare her before she is able to dress. “They are sleeping.”
She pauses and peers back at me. “You already checked?”
“I can hear them shift in their sleep. They have not roused. We are not as far away as you think we are.”
“Ugh. I hope we were quiet enough then.” When she’s unable to pull her leg free, she pushes at my tail with her hands. “Can you let me go now so I can get dressed?”
“No.” I ring the rest of my tail around her middle and pull her into my arms. “We are not yet done. It is barely dawn. The sun hassss not crested.”
She grabs onto me to keep her balance but remains stiff in my embrace. Without meeting my eyes, she pointedly looks everywhere except at me, half-pushing away. “Yeah but the night is over and we’ve already been here too long... We need to getmoving as soon as we can, and I need to check to see how Olivia is doing.”
“Look at me,” I order, pushing back her hair and cupping her face.
Her eyes drift to mine and I can read the unease and stress within them.
I give her another smile, doing my best to ease some of her worries.
She sighs, tensing even further. “Do not catch feelings, Krellix. It will make my leaving harder for you.”
“I am not catching feelings. I do not know how that is even possible.”
She watches me suspiciously. “Then why are you smiling at me like that?”
“I am amused. You amuse me.”
A burst of laughter escapes from her mouth, drawing my gaze back to her soft lips. “Is that so? I amuse you now?” Her lips twitch upward between words. “I suppose that’s better than hatred or indifference.”
My smile drops. “I have never hated you.”
“That’s not what I meant.” She moves to climb off me again.
Clasping my hand around the back of her neck, I deny her escape. “Not once have I felt hatred towards you. Anger, yessss, at some of the risks you take, but hatred?” I search her face, intent on making myself clear. “Hatred is for those who have taken from me, dear female, those who think they are entitled to what does not belong to them. I could never hate you.”
“By them you mean the people—the soldiers—who’ve taken your home and family. But I was a soldier and might be so again. Last night does not change that.” Her voice lowers to a whisper. “There is honor fighting for the lives of others.”
“Julia,” I warn, some of the teasing vanishing from my voice. I know where she is going with this.
Today could be our last day together…As the thought hits, the rest of my mirth goes with it.
“I’m not going to change for you, Krellix.” Her face softens with a gentle laugh, taking me by surprise. “Nothing is going to change if it’s not fought for. Pretending otherwise… Look, maybe you don’t hate me. Gemma, Daisy, and Shelby were among those who took your home and I know you do not blame them and while they have renounced their former occupations, I just can’t, not yet… not right now, at least. IfThe Dreadnautis really gone, people are going to need assistance. I’ve been here for some time, I’ve learned things that could help others.”
“Why?” I hiss, trying hard to keep my frustration at bay. “Why do you want to rejoin them when, for the past year, they have been our enemy? You can help them without becoming one of them again.”
“I’m not necessarily going to become one of them again,” she snaps, pulling my hands off her. “Damn it, Krellix—” she lowers her face into her palms and rubs it “—I can’t survive out here alone. So where else am I going to go? Try to understand, I don’t know anything else. If I’m not a soldier, then what am I?”
I do try and understand, biting back my irritation as I take in the sudden droop of her shoulders or the haunted look in her eyes when she removes her hands. Wherever this is coming from, I can only guess.
“I’m not here to be your enemy. I’m here because of bad fucking luck. Or good luck, depending on the way you look at it… But it’s not that simple.”
“It is simple enough for me. Choose a different path.” She has more options than she realizes. She was good with Daisy’s young, and that is just the beginning of her skills.
Her face falls, her eyes drop, going distant as they become unfocused. Her lips part but she does not respond, instead falling silent.
