Her voice sounded cold even to her own ears. But the crew was right there, and Mack couldn’t help but wonder if they’d seen the social media posts, if they also thought she’d joined the team because of Leo’s influence, if they were judging her as much as people were online.
“That was a scary hit.” He rubbed a palm over his beard and exhaled, and the look of tender relief on his face made Mack wish she could touchhim. She clenched her fists to keep from reaching out and an eye-watering stab of pain zipped up her arm. “You’re okay? Not hurt anywhere?”
Mack shook her head, dangerously close to crying and not because of her wrist. Why did she want all these things she couldn’t have? IndyCar, Leo, freedom from Kelley.
“What can I do to help you for tomorrow?” Leo asked.
“There won’t be a tomorrow,” Janet snapped from the back of the garage. Her frizzy hair stood straight on end as she put her hands on her hips and pinned Mack with a look of utter disappointment.
Mack inwardly crumpled, the physical pain forgotten. She’d expected this response but some latent, pathetic optimism convinced her she might get a Hail Mary.
“Janet, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t tell it to me!” Janet shouted. She swept her arms toward the crew, who were doing a bang-up job of ignoring the scene in front of them.
“But I think—”
“I don’t give a flying fuck what you think!” Janet scrubbed her hands over her face and then pressed all ten fingers against her forehead. “I gave you one instruction: Do not. Wreck. The car. And what did you do?” Janet gestured at the debris around them. “I thought you would take this chance and give it every part of your being, that you would give a million percent to this race.” She glared at Mack, a look filled with frustration but also something more. Something that made Mack think of a bruise. “I thought you got it. That you knew the Indy 500 is everything. The only thing.”
With those words, Mack knew for good there would not be another qualification attempt. Even before she’d wrecked the car, she’d damaged any respect she’d earned from Janet by touching Leo at the fountain, and Janet wasn’t the type to forgive.
Mack’s IndyCar run was done.
She should keep her mouth shut and slink away, but she kept seeing the small snippet of the replay on the jumbotron. If she fucked up, she’d own it. But if she could earn back even a small amount of Janet’s trustand respect, she had to try. The Indy 500 wasn’t the only reason she wanted to stay. She wanted to stay with Janet and the team.
“I think the left tire went down. I had the speed, and then the back end flipped on me.”
“We could check the replay,” Leo offered, too quickly.
Janet stood rigidly, staring at the floor. “The goddamn tire was fine. It was a stupid rookie mistake and I’m the dumbass who let you run a car that loose.”
Was it? She’d been on the very edge of her ability to control the car when she heard thatpop. Maybe she’d simply lost the back end. But she could see the last few seconds of the accident replay on the giant infield TV screen. She knew what she’d seen: Her, flat out in the turn, and then a small blip of movement on the left tire.
“And you,” Janet hissed at Leo. “We will talk after you go out there and qualify in the top ten or else your time on this team is severely limited.” Leo kept his gaze forward as Janet walked away, but Mack could see the lines of tension around his mouth.
The look on Leo’s face, the fear and frustration compounded with the stress and anxiety of the day, the pain in her hand, and Mack couldn’t stop it. She burst into tears.
Not little streamers at the corners of her eyes, but loud, ugly, racking sobs that echoed through the garage. She’d ruined her own reputation, for good this time, and possibly hurt Leo’s career. Shaw was hurting and Mack couldn’t fathom the financial consequences of her brief time at Indianapolis. Who knew what Kelley would do, and Laurie had disappeared again. She hadn’t even come to the medical tent to check on Mack.
Not only had she not made the race, she’d hurt almost everyone she cared about in the pursuit of nothing. Ashamed, she covered her face and ran toward the exit.
“Mack, wait!” Leo called. He reached for her hand but stopped before he touched her, and the way he held his hand back made her cry harder.
“Shit, Mack. Mack.” He pulled her into his arms and she gasped as her right hand bumped into his chest. She wrapped her other arm around his back and pulled him in close, giving up on protecting her reputation. She was going home now and she wanted this one final feel of Leo. She melted into the steadiness of his embrace and let herself have this one thing, for one moment.
“I’m sorry,” Leo whispered.
“Stop,” Mack sobbed. He smelled like laundry soap and motor oil, even in his coveralls. “I don’t need you to try to fix this. I started this whole thing. I can’t seem to stop myself from being impulsive and making bad choices.”
Leo flinched and pulled back. “This isn’t an impulse. I want to see you again. I can come to you on our off weekends and fly you and Shaw out for some races—”
“Leo, stop,” Mack demanded for a second time. “It’s over. It’s all over for me. I’m going home, and Janet’s not wrong. You need to focus on getting out there and qualifying.”
“You don’t want to try?”
My god, she did. She wanted to know all of him. But Shaw and Wes and the dirt track needed all of her now that she’d ruined her shot at the Indy 500. She’d promised herself that after the race, she’d go home and rededicate herself to her family and the family business.
“I can’t.”
