“You sound different when you’re asleep.” Ben came around to perch on the mattress.
Tommy snickered. “Is that a polite way of sayin’ I snore?”
Ben smiled. “Well, not snore exactly, but you do make some pretty cute noises.” He tilted his head. “You couldn’t sleep either?”
“Nah.” Tommy grabbed a cushion and stuffed it behind his head. He tapped his temple. “Got too much goin’ on in here.”
Ben flushed. “That was sorta what was keeping me awake too.” He drew his legs up onto the mattress and sat cross-legged. “Can we talk?”
Tommy snorted. “We’re talkin’, ain’t we? And seein’ as both of us are havin’ trouble gettin’ to sleep, seems like the perfect opportunity.” He took in the way Ben rubbed his knee, his jumpiness, the lack of eye contact. “What’s wrong?”
Ben blinked and then let out a sigh. “This business with Mike. This is all my fault.”
Tommy stared at him. “How’d you work that out?”
“Well, if I hadn’t said anything, you two would still be together.” Ben hung his head. “I saw how upset you’ve been this last week, an’ I guess I feel responsible.”
The words were indistinct, but Tommy heard every one.
“Me and my big mouth. If I hadn’t shown you that video, you’d be none the wiser.”
“Whoa, now wait a minute.” Tommy sat up straight. “First of all, far as I know, Mike ’n’ me are still together. Leastways, neither of us have mentioned breakin’ up, okay?” His heart pounded at the thought. “An’ yeah, Ihavebeen upset, but not with you. Okay, so maybe at first I was a bit pissed, but I got past that. Mike should’ve told me. This is down to him, not you.”
“You mean that?” Ben jerked his head up and looked Tommy in the eye.
Tommy nodded. “You were lookin’ out for me. Can’t fault you for that.” He speared him with a look. “Your methods could’ve been better. That’s for sure.” When Ben flushed from his chestall the way up to his cheekbones, Tommy smiled. “But we’re past that. You’re still a good friend.”
“I’m glad about that.” Ben sighed once more. “D’you really think you an’ Mike can get through this? ’Cause I gotta say, you’ve been so happy since he’s been around. And the two of you really did fit. I suppose it all comes down to you being able to date a porn star.”
Tommy fell silent. He’d had this wonderful dream—though it might have been more appropriate to call it a fantasy—where Mike came to him and told him he was gonna quit porn. Lord knew, it was what Tommy wanted to hear with all his heart.
But what if he doesn’t? What do I do then?The thought left him cold.Could I stay with him, even though he’s doin’ something that is totally against everything I believe?
It was something that had crossed his mind countless times during the last couple of days.
What would stayin’ with Mike in those circumstances do to my love for him? Would I love him any less?
Tommy had to be honest. He didn’t know the answer to that one.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Mike pushed openthe glass door and walked across the tiled floor to where Paul sat at the desk, engaged in a phone conversation. Mike took the opportunity to gaze up at the banners on the wall behind him. There were ManFactory’s finest models, and there he was, still among them. He couldn’t help frowning when he saw the newest addition. Chad stared down at him, wearing only a pair of scruffy jeans and that cocky grin.
Like I didn’t see that one coming.
“You okay, Scott?” Paul covered the mouthpiece of the phone, regarding him with concern.
“Yeah, I wanted to?—”
“Sorry, here’s your paperwork. Can we talk later?” Paul thrust the clipboard into his hands and then spoke into the phone. “Yeah, sorry, you were saying?” He gave Mike an apologetic shrug and carried on talking.
Mike shook his head. One of these days, Paul needed to ask for another receptionist to work with him.
He passed through the wide doors that led to the studio and went straight into the admin room. From the sets came the clear sound of several guys fucking, at least three or four. Mike was in no mood to see. He flopped into one of the plastic chairsand stared at the paperwork attached to the clipboard. His last scene….
He glanced around at the room where he’d sat so many times, chatting with his scene partners.Talk about the end of an era.A weekend of introspection had brought him to the conclusion that his friends were right. It was time to call it a day. Once he’d made the decision, he was amazed at how he felt. Had it been that much of a weight on his shoulders, to account for the lightness in both body and spirit that felt so wonderful?
Maybe I should’ve done this years ago.It was a sobering thought. His life might have been so different.Yeah, but would I have met Tommy?The thought of life without him was even more sobering.
