“That’s okay, ’cause I don’t have an answer either. But it’s somethin’ I need answerin’, if we’re gonna go any further.” He sat forward and touched Mike’s face lightly. “For the record? I love you too, Mike. So you’d better figure it out, ’cause I don’t wanna lose you either.”
Tommy’s words sank in.He loves me. In spite of the uncertain situation, the pain Mike had caused him and the potential for fucking up big time, Tommy loved him.
“You need to go now, y’hear?” Tommy laid his hand on Mike’s arm. “I’ll be here if you need to talk. I’m not goin’ anywhere durin’ spring break. But you got some thinkin’ to do.”
“Did you mean it?” Mike said softly. “That you love me?”
Tommy smiled, the first smile since Sunday lunch. “Yeah, I love you. That’s why I’m not walkin’ away, and that’s not gonna change. But where we go from here is up to you.” He leaned forward and kissed Mike’s cheek.
Mike closed his eyes at the feel of those soft lips against his skin.It’s not over. Thank fuck for that.He opened them and stepped back. “I’ll be in touch soon.”
Tommy walked him to the door that led out of the apartment. “You’d better,” he said with a half smile as he opened the door. Mike moved to step past him and couldn’t resist pulling Tommy into a hug.
“Thank you,” he whispered, his arms wrapped around Tommy’s firm body.
“For what?” Tommy was warm against him, his scent stronger than ever.
“Not walking away.” Mike kissed him on the lips and released him. He left the apartment, his heart feeling lighter for the first time in days.
Tommy was right on the money. He had some thinking to do.
Tommy closed the back door and locked it, his legs trembling. Now that Mike had gone, he surrendered to the nerves that had plagued him throughout the entire conversation. The empty feeling in the pit of his stomach was still there, and his skin was sensitive to the merest touch.
“How’d it go, sugar?” Caroline came into the apartment from the main house.
Tommy dropped onto the couch. “Okay, I guess. Better than I thought it would.”
“I suppose what I’m asking is if the two of you are still together.” She came around the couch to sit next to him.
Tommy leaned back and closed his eyes. “For the moment.” He tried not to think of the alternative. Mike had become such an important part of his life. The thought of losing him sent ice rushing through his veins.
“And is he gonna continue to be a porn star? That’s the million dollar question.”
Tommy opened his eyes to find Caroline watching him, her eyes warm and sympathetic.
“And if the answer is yes, how’d you feel about that?”
Tommy sighed. “I don’t know if he truly understands just how… wrong his career feels to me.” He snorted. “That may well be because I didn’t tell him.”
Caroline stared at him. “Why not?”
“Mostly fear, I guess. What if he chooses porn instead of me? But to be honest, I wouldn’t do that,” Tommy explained earnestly. “I don’t want him to do anything for me that he wouldn’t do for himself. If he chooses to quit porn, it has to behis decision.” He clasped his hands in his lap and gazed at them. “All I can do is wait… and hope.”
“Sweetheart, just how long are you willing to do that for?”
He shrugged. “For as long as it takes. What choice do I have? I love him. He says he loves me, so I have to believe in that.”
“Oh, honey, I hope you’re not setting yourself up for more hurt.” Caroline laid her hand over his. “I mean, does he really love you, or is he just saying that?”
Tommy smiled at her. “I believe him. An’ no, I don’t think I’m headin’ for more hurt. You know why? ’Cause I have faith.”
Caroline’s eyes grew misty. “You know something, Tommy Newsome? You’re a wonderful young man. You just blow me away with how much you’ve grown since I’ve known you. And Mike should think himself plain lucky to have you.” She wiped at her eyes and sniffed. “I only want the best for you, and if what you want is Mike, then I’m behind you. I hope it all works out for you, because Lord knows, you deserve some happiness.”
Tommy hoped the Lord was listening, ’cause Mike was all he wanted.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Hey.Didn’t think I’d hear from you so soon.” A pause. “Uh, why aren’t you asleep? It must be, what, 2:00 a.m.?” Another pause and then Jack’s voice was laced with concern. “You okay?”
