“What the fuck?”
“I’m not saying you’d hurt her like that. I’m saying right now she is clearly smart enough to know that men like him are not the norm. She’s seeing healthy relationships around her, largely in part to your club. But if you fuck her over, and then the next guy does too…and I have no idea if there may be underlying daddy issues already…Then the exception to the rule becomes the norm, and that’s when girls like that stop trying to escape the abusive cycle. They start believing this is their lot in life. And instead of reaching for better, they settle. And trust me when I say there are plenty of men who will come along and scoop her up, not because she’s pretty and sweet but because she’s docile and pliable. And then she’ll find herself right back in a cage of a different making.”
Chapter Nine
CITI
It was hard notto feel small and insignificant standing next to this woman who looked like she could walk on water if she tried.
“So what kind of books do you like? I bet you like MC books. I tried reading them, but it’s weird with my dad being, you know…” She drifts off as she turns to look at me again, a frown marring her face. “Are you okay? I know I can be a lot.”
“No. I promise it’s nothing like that. You’re beautiful and nice. And now I sound like I’m hitting on you, which I’m not. Not that I wouldn’t if I liked girls. Which I don’t. But if I did….Okay, stop talking now, Citi.”
Six starts laughing, and honestly, it’s so infectious, I can’t help but join in.
“I’m sorry, I’m a mess.”
Six holds out her hand for me to shake. “Hi, mess, I’m catastrophe. Nice to meet you.”
I chuckle and shake her hand, blowing a strand of hair from my face. “You too. In answer to your question, I haven’t read an MC book yet. I mostly read urban fantasy or some paranormal romance. I find a make-believe world a little safer to navigate.”
“Even with all the monsters?”
“Those aren’t the monsters I’m afraid of.” I swallow, not sure why I said that.
“I was born in a cage. My mom died in one. I was sold when I turned eighteen, but in a twist of fate, I ended up with Will. I understand all about monsters, Citi.”
I let out a deep shuddering breath. “I know a lot of people now who have had shitty things happen to them, some really, truly awful, but…” I stumble over how to say the rest without sounding like I’m downplaying what they went through because I’m not. Not at all.
“But their torment was just a blink of time for us.”
“Yeah.” I feel my shoulders slump. She gets it.
I lean against one of the bookcases and feel myself slide down to the ground, pulling my knees to my chest. A moment later, Six joins me.
“Bad things happen to good people all the time. But most people get to go home afterward, or they have people who rally around them. They could seek out services like therapy, or heck, even the medicinal value of a bottle of whiskey.”
“But every day was Groundhog Day for us.”
She looks at me, confused. I explain about the movie I once saw, where a man was forced to relive the same day over and over.
“That was the worst. There was no light at the end of the tunnel. Just darkness as far as the eye could see.”
“Exactly. I don’t know how to explain it to anyone else. As much as I hated the isolation, some days the alternative is too much too. I get overly stimulated so easily. Yesterday, the washing machine was running, and the AC was on. I could hear Star playing with her toys, and one of the neighbors’ dogs was barking. All normal everyday things I longed for now made me feel like I was coming out of my skin.”
She rests her head on my shoulder, making me jump. “I get weird in large spaces. Not just ones filled with people, but like large open fields sometimes too. All I ever wanted was to go outside, but outside the cage can be scary, too. I knew what to expect when I was inside. Out here, everything is loud and new and really confusing most of the time. In my cage, I was not important. I was the same as everyone else. Just a number, mostly forgotten about, and I was okay with that. In a big open space, I’m the odd man out. I feel unsafe, like someone might sneak up behind me and?—”
I slide my hand over hers as she swallows. “And drag you back to hell.”
“Yeah.”
We sit quietly for a moment, our minds silent as our demons play with each other, giving us a much-needed reprieve.
“Does it get better?”
“Yes. I promise it gets better. It doesn’t disappear. I still remember everything as if it happened only yesterday. You can’t just wipe it away, you know. You have to learn to build your life around your trauma instead of trying to erase it altogether. Because, right or wrong, everything that happened to you helped you become who you are.”
She lifts her head to look at me. “I have friends. Tough friends and shy friends, friends who have traumatic stories of their own, and friends who have been nothing but blessed. But sometimes I can be surrounded by them and still feel alone. Somehow, sitting here with you, I don’t feel so alone anymore, Citi.”
