man was insecure. He was no longer home to fuck me. Then Soya was a worldly girl. She’d fucked with some hustlers who had names in the city. The only reason that she was even working was becauseshe’dleftanabusiverelationship,andvowedtonever
financially depend on a man again. She would often joke about going through withdrawals when she’d get tired of that gig at Jack in the Box, but she swore that she’d flip burgers any day, before she’d let another man think that he owned her. Besides, she was the assistant manager and made pretty decent money. While living with me, she was able to save and still buy herself some of the things that her man used to provide.
In a nutshell, Too Low knew that my attractive cousin, who knew niggas with money, was living with me. He must’ve feared that I’d inadvertently be around those get-money niggas. Or even worse. He thought that Soya would try to hook me up. So, he was always on my ass about the simplest things, turning nothing into something. For a while now, I had been brushing this off, but it was beginning to get on my nerves. Especially when he came at me like he had a legitimate reason for concern. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the nigga was perfectly okay with me completely pausing my life, until he was eligible for parole. Like I was in fucking prison too.
Too Low would act like he didn’t want me to laugh too hard, if he wasn’t around. He’d scrutinize who I’d hang around. He always wanted to argue, if I wasn’t in the house whenever he’d call, and that was becoming problematic. Because it was one thing for him to be concerned about other men. However, not wanting me to have any fulfillment without him was just flat out selfish.
“Babi! You don’t hear me talking to you?” Too Low spat, breaking into my thoughts.
“Yeah, I hear you.” “You sure?”
“Yes, Too Low,” I dragged out.
“Why you sound like I’m getting on your nerves?” “Because.”
“Becausewhat?”
“Because you are, nigga,” I spewed. “Don’t piss me of. You didn’t even ask how I feel. What’s on my mind. Nothing. You immediately went in, and that’s irritating. And you know how I get when you work my nerves.”
He paused, before redirecting himself. “Bae, you know what?
Youright.I’mtrippinglikeamuthafucka.So,Iapologize.”
I sighed, knowing that we did this song and dance pretty often. Although I wasn’t the girl to fuck around on my man, didn’t mean that I was a softy. I was far from a pushover. Too Low didn’t have me dickmitized or some shit. I’d been with him because he’d done right by me, and I loved him. But if he started acting up, then I had no problems reeling him back in. I also wasn’t above ignoring phone calls to remind him that he wasn’t running shit. So, he knew how far to take it with me.
“Yeah, I hear you. But what got you all snappy like this?” “Cause,” he breathed into the phone.
“Cause what? Talk to me,” I insisted.
“Okay,” he sighed. “Me and these niggas was chopping up in the dayroom, playing dominos. I had my tablet, going through some pictures that you sent me. Naturally, they was checking you out. Then one of them niggas gon say that they bet that some-body’s fucking the shit out of you. Talking about that it’s no way that you aint entertaining nobody else, when youthatfine.”
“And what did you say?” I wanted to know.
“That he got me fucked up and you aint that type of woman.”
“Okay. And how did that turn into you coming at me sideways?”
“Cause, girl. I’m locked up and aint got nothing but time on my hands. Them thoughts get to running wild.”
“But this aint our first rodeo, Jarvin,” I called him by his real name. “Why are you cracking this time?”
“Cause.” “Cause what?”
“Cause I been having dreams. And…you barely held on last time. It was hard. And everybody is constantly reminding me of… how beautiful you are. How good of a woman you are. And they say…they say that somebody will come along, and you’ll switch up. Now…I be having this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can’t shake it. I just know that Ican’tlose you.”
For a moment, I was stuck, because I could literally hear the fear in his voice. He was serious, which was wild to me, because I wasn’t even thinking about another man. Too Low might not have been the biggest in the hood, but he was a star. To me. He was light brown, reddish color. Tall. Slender. Heavily tatted. Nice textured hair. Generous. Loving. And all mine.
“Jarvin, baby, you know that I love you. With all my heart. That’s the devil. Fucking with your head. What we have is solid. And nobody can change that.”
“Then why wouldn’t you marry me?” He asked for the millionth time.
“Because, baby,” I exhaled. “Can’t a girl have her dreams? I know that we aint living a fairytale, but I at least want to have one special day. Where I feel like the world is mine. A big wedding. Our family there. And a lit reception. I didn’t wanna do the court-house thing. Nor do I want to marry you by proxy. So, when you’re free, and can give me the wedding of my dreams, then I’ll happily be your wife.”
“You promise?”
Igentlysmiled.“Ipromise.”
“I love you, Babi. For real.” “I love you too.”
