“Of course. Your vegetables survived the frost with a bit of pruning.” Nagyi taught me that word.
Fia ate her mouthful, moaning at the taste. “Frost actually makes kale sweeter.”
Maybe she learned that from Nagyi, too.
She wolfed the food down — I was surprised she hadn’t started on one of her hangry rants.
Watching her, I almost forgot about mine until she was done and sighed, satisfied.“That was so good.”
I smiled and took another bite.
She waited patiently, looking around the room. Nothing had changed since she was last there. I couldn’t allow it. I pushed my nearly-full bowl away.
My heart may be hammering, worried about how our‘talk’was going to go, but it was in the way of our future, together or not.
And I owed her the ability to move on, with or without me.
“Ask me.”
She turned in the wooden chair, resting her feet on the beam between the chair legs so that her knees nearly skimmed my thighs. “I have a few questions.”
I nodded for her to continue.
“You genuinely didn’t know?” She lifted a hand, stopping me before I got started. “I’m not asking because I don’t know. I’m asking because I have to hear it.”
“I didn’t know,” I said, voice clear and firm. “I wouldn’t have raced if I knew I could hurt someone. I would never have let you translate a fraudulent report. I couldn’t do that to you.”
She nodded.“Okay. Yeah. But… Benedek? You know he kept this all from you, right?”
“Yeah,” I said, rolling my shoulders. “Yeah, we’ve spoken about it.”
Her brows shot up in question.
“I can and can’t understand why he did it. He feels guilty. He feels awful. I don’t think he realised the extent of the problem and… I forgive him for what he did to me. I don’t forgive him for what he did to you or the potential impact on the other racers.”
“He’s your brother,” she said simply. “You were deemed incompetent to understand your medical situation. He took over for you. I’ve got it in writing.”
What would she do with that writing?A hearing wascoming up for my conduct, and I was already out of the game. There was no returning for me.
My brother shouldn’t be able to.
She picked at her nails, her hands resting on her knees. “I need to ask you some hard things, too. Some things I need to be sure of before anything else.”
I squeezed her hand briefly, her fingers curling around mine. But I let go.
“Are you okay? Like really. Nix told me it’s not terminal and it’s manageable.”
I wished I’d kept hold of her hand.
“It is manageable. I have some great doctors. I’m assessed every other week, not because there’s anything to worry about, but because I want to know when I can drive again and how best to look after myself. I’m on new medicine, which has helped with the headrush. I have a new therapist who specialises in traumatic experiences. I promise you I’m okay.”
Since the live stream, I’d started to come to terms that I may have to live life without Fia. And I had to force myself to believe that would be okay. That it was what I deserved.
That hope in me was awakening, and the excitement was soured by worry.
“I’m so glad.” She shuffled in her seat. “I’m sorry, there’s more.What do you value more—me or our relationship?”
“You,”I said without thinking. “Always you.”
