“I gave her that photo to scare you. The video was already deleted. I wouldn’t hurt you on purpose, you’ve got to believe it,”he pleaded. “I wanted you to have the life you deserve.”
Even if it was a short life.
“I was ignorant. I don’t think I quite realised how bad things were and… I wanted our lives to go back on track. I never meant for Fia to get caught up in this. I’ve already told the inquiry you didn’t know.”
“How are they going to believe that? I’ve been seeing doctors for the last three years! How has no one told me?”
Benedek closed his eyes tightly.“You’ll recognise that the names in both reports are different. I got new doctors in—ones who thought like me.”
My heart hammered against my ribcage. I wasn’t insane. I hadn’t been imagining it.
“And have you told the inquiry this? That you purposely paid people to make the problem ‘go away’?”
“They made it seem… I kidded myself… I…”There were tears in his eyes as he swallowed.“I swear to you, I never intended… if I knew… I just thought they were being dramatic. I wanted you to have the life you deserved. I love you.”
Mum stood, tears streaming down her face. She pulled the napkin from her lap and sniffed. “Benedek, I think you should go. I can’t—I can’t force Zoltán to sit here with you.”
He went to speak, his bottom lip wobbled, and then he grabbed his coat from the bannister.
Mum was blinking tears, and I reached over to stroke her arm, but she waved me off.“I hate this. I hate it all. I just want us to be back to how we were.”
I stared at the flickering candle to remember our father. I could forgive Benedek for me, but I could never forgive him for Fia.
And I couldn’t allow him to spend Christmas alone.
“You can stay,”I said, voice tight.
He froze, halfway through putting hiscoat on.
“Don’t argue. Don’t make me reconsider. Don’t take this as forgiveness. It isn’t. But I would like you to stay. For him.”I waved my hand at the candle, and the flame returned my sentiment by growing taller.
“Just eat your fucking sprouts,” Nagyi said and loaded another spoonful on my plate.
32
Chapter 32
Zoltán
I’d never expected to use my fake Instagram account for anything other than stalking Fia’s ex.
Now I used it to look at her social media when my restraint was overpowered by curiosity.
She hadn’t come to Christmas. My calls still went to voicemail.
We hadn’t spoken since that day on the track. Over three months ago.
But I was there.
And I was sitting on my sofa, after the fifteenth medical assessment since I’d last seen her, waiting to get approval to drive.
I just wanted an escape. A way to get out of the house — a way to make living easier.
Though I was worried, I might take off to the nearest airport or drive straight to Surrey. It would take less than twenty hours if I didn’t stop. I likely wouldn’t stop. Not until I crossedthe finish line.
But if I did go, I wanted to be prepared.
A lot could happen in three months.
