In her night clothes, she strolled the halls of Zion until she found the opening that would take her to the alcove. She’d actually styled her hair and put on chroma for once. But, unlike the last time she had wandered in, her stomach was at rest and her heart remained in its cavity.
She was at peace now, and she wasn’t worried about growing close to him anymore. Imara had been right: being with him, no matter what the future brought, would be far less painful than being apart from him.
Gemma smiled softly when she entered the opening. Christian lay on a towel, his arms over his eyes. He’d balled up a second one and rested it beneath his head like a pillow. She wasn’t surprised he’d somehow managed to smuggle them from his locker room.
At some point, he too had showered and changed into his night clothes. His white shirt, with the short sleeves bunched up at his shoulders, exposed the rigid muscles of his upper arms.
A shiver ran through Gemma.Focus.
“Hi,” she said quietly, still standing away.
He replied, “hey,” without removing his arms.
Gemma’s stomach sank. “Do you mind if I join you?” She took a hesitant step forward, worry gnawing at her.What do I do if he says no?
He sighed and waved her over.
Her heart fluttered in small relief, and she lay on her back beside him, staring at the ceiling. The heavy silence between them was torturous until she finally said, “I’m so sorry.”
Christian lifted one of his arms off his head, coaxing her to his side. Gemma leaned into him, resting her head in the crux of his shoulder, and lay her palm on his chest. His heart beat slowly and steadily against her hand. Christian lowered his other arm, entwining his fingers with hers.
“I feel like I need to explain,” Gemma said, staring at their hands. When he didn’t respond, she continued, “Remember when I said my sister passed her Trials three years ago?” She paused, her throat tightening. “She died the day after graduation.”
Christian turned onto his side, letting go of Gemma’s hand. Her head fell off his shoulder, and she bent her arm underneath it for support.
He held her gaze with his own, their bodies mere inches apart, a pained look in his stare. “And that’s why you put up those walls around your heart.”
Her eyes burned, but she nodded. “I’ve lost everyone I ever loved, and when I heard that bomb go off, I just...broke. I’m sorry for what I said, especially in front of everyone. You were just trying to make sure we won.”
The lines around his eyes deepened. “I can’t promise I wouldn’t do that again to save your life, Gemma.”
She took a deep breath. That was the last thing she’d said to him—to never do that in reality. But she knew him, and if it came down to saving himself or innocent people, he would risk his life every time.
“I know,” Gemma said. “But if my choices are to live without you or to be with you despite what end may come, I choose you. I will always keep choosing you.”
Christian’s face softened, his cheeks flushing slightly. He tucked a loose strand of her dark hair behind her ear, even as his own light brown ones fell onto his forehead. A lax smile crossed his face, and he ran his knuckles softly down her jawline. “You mean a lot to me, you know that?”
“You died for me today.” She smiled. “I think I have an idea.”
He chuckled, his hazel-green eyes creasing at the corners, and her stomach fluttered. She loved the sound of his laugh.
Oh, for stars’ sake, she lovedhim. It was time she started admitting the truth to herself and let herself be completely vulnerable with him. There was no one safer.
Gemma took his hand and placed it on the small of her back. Rising onto her elbow, she held his face in her other hand and brought his mouth to meet hers.
Christian squeezed Gemma tightly against him and nudged her lips open with his. But the fervor he’d shown the last time they were together was missing.Is he holding back?
She didn’t want to wait anymore. She wanted the walls around her heart to turn to dust so she could tether her soul to his.
She slid out of his arms, prying her lips off his, and rose to her knees. With steady hands, Gemma lifted her shirt over her head, baring herself to him. The color in his cheeks warmed as his gaze took in every visible inch of her, from her neck down to her waist.
He rose to his knees, tearing off his own shirt and hauling her against him as if there were only minutes left to live.
Her breath abandoned her when his mouth pressed against hers, devouring. His fingers dug into her hair, tugging gently as she ran her palms down his toned back.
His lips drifted across her cheek, his breath hot against her ear. “You’re so beautiful.”
Gemma shivered at his words, a lump forming in her throat.
