He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. “You’re safe. Breathe with me.”
Christian drew large circles on her back as he slowly pulled air into his lungs. Gemma dropped her head into the crux of his neck; every gasp she took was shaky and uncontrolled. She squeezed her eyes closed, trying to keep pace and follow his rhythm, but she didn’t know if she could.
A gentle touch on her forearm—Imara. She’d knelt next to Gemma and Christian, providing another layer of comfort.I’m not alone. I’m not alone. She focused on Christian’s rhythmic breathing until hers matched his.
He kissed her temple. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”
“We should probably evacuate,” Hawk said from a short distance away. “You guys can stay at my place in Perileos. There’s plenty of room.”
Gemma’s heart constricted. After everything she’d tried so hard to achieve, fighting her way through the Trials, hoping for a better life...
And she was going back to Perileos after all.
Gemma didn’t know what to think or feel as she packed her belongings to escape the inevitable. She glanced at herself in the bathroom mirror, and tears constricted her throat again. Light-purple eyes stared back at her—Gemma’s eyes. She understood now why Colton had been so shocked when he’d looked at her. It wasn’t because of her fast reaction; he’d witnessed her purple blood and eyes and ability to shield in the desert.
It was because she wasn’t totally human anymore.
She sat on the floor.Maybe I should just stay here and let the Dissent kill me.
Gemma bristled at a knock on the bathroom door.
“You all right?” Christian asked.
“Yeah.” Even she heard the lie in her voice.
The door cracked open, and when Gemma didn’t shoo him away, Christian opened it completely and stepped inside.
Gemma stared at his feet. Christian joined, his legs crossed so that their knees touched. Cautiously, he took her hands in his, and when she didn’t fight him, he gave them a squeeze.
“Please, talk to me,” he said.
She shook her head, still keeping her gaze from connecting with his.
His thumb began a rhythmic stroke on the top of her hand. “It was like this for me, too, when I first started with the Falaichte. Hurting people chips away at your soul. Even though we weren’t allowed kill shots, if someone didn’t come willingly, you had to make them, or it would beyourfamily the Falaichte would take out their anger on. The things I did were...Well, let’s just say I’m not sure I’ll ever totally forgive myself for them.”
Gemma finally looked at him. Christian’s hazel eyes were so green right now, as they often seemed to be when his emotions were high. But there was no anger or fear to be found in them. Only understanding, concern, love.
Why, after all I’ve done?
“You don’t understand,” Gemma said, her voice cracking. “It’s not only about Colton. I’m not human anymore. Look at my eyes! And now it’s my fault that everyone in this building is going to have to go back to Perileos, and it all started because my ownsister—”
The dam she’d been trying to keep together broke.
Gemma fell forward into Christian’s arms, a violent cry shattering her ribs. Everything was so wrong. She was supposed to be a helper to her people, not one through whom destruction would reign.
But Nadine had turned Gemma’s strengths against her, changing everything positive about who she had once been into a catalyst for war. Herown sisterweaponized the goodness in her and turned her into someone she’d never have wanted to be.
Christian shifted position until Gemma was tucked tightly against him. She curled into his chest and listened to the beat of his heart, closing her eyes as she was lulled by his strong, steady pulse. He was the only good thing to come out of her weeks at Zion, the only constant in the midst of all the chaos.
“You are still you, Gemma. Colton would have knocked you out and taken you into hiding with him, and the bomb would still be out there. That gun was pointed at Imara’s head. You saved her life. Colton wouldn’t have quit fighting until he was dead, whether it was by your hand, or mine, or Imara’s, or Hawk’s. It’s agony being the one who held the blade, but you did it to protect people you care about, and that’s what ultimately matters. Not how many nucleotides of DNA you have or what color your blood runs.”
He wiped tears from her cheeks. “As far as Nadine...There aren’t words that express how much it hurt to hear that conversation too. I thought my legs were going to give out. Imara cried. We know how much Nadine means to you.”
Another sob broke the calm Gemma had managed to find. Christian lifted her face until she looked at him. “But you aren’t alone anymore, Gemma. Remember that. And I don’t just mean me. Hawk and Imara would’ve killed Colton to protect you as quickly as I would have. EvenRami cares about you. You should’ve seen his reaction when we got back from the outpost. You do have a family here too. Try to hold on to that, okay?”
She didn’t know whether the tears rolling down her face now were of joy or sorrow.
How does one mourn the betrayal of a sister who raised them more than half their life? But then, how can one not be grateful to have found others to help them make it through?
