Taking another step towards her, I rested a hand on the woven handle of the basket. “I’ve got it.”
She blinked hard, meeting my stare. For a moment, she searched my eyes, like she was looking for some sort of confirmation. Some sort of assurance.
She was checking to see which version of me she was getting.
Quietly, she handed the basket over, chewing her bottom lip as she did. The others watched silently, neither stepping in. Out of all her mates, they were likely the most…welcoming of me. Understood me a bit better. Though escaping captivity together likely had that effect.
Without another word, we entered the kitchen, closing the greenhouse door behind us. Every second step, Ivy glanced back at me, like she was still trying to get a read on me.
Xerxes emptied his basket of root vegetables into the kitchen sink, while Thor set his on the table. For a moment, he eyed me. Despite how quiet he was, the male was observant. Though I guessed he had to be while in his cage.
And as if understanding something I didn’t, he moved to the sink, touched Xerxes’s hand lightly, and must have said something to him, because they both turned to Ivy.
“We’re stepping out for a moment, fated,” Xerxes murmured, taking her hand. “We’ll be back.”
I wasn’t sure if he was doing this for my benefit, or hers, because the confusion in her eyes shifted to understanding quickly. But they were gone before either of us could respond.
Leaving us alone.
Clearing my throat, I set my basket down and joined her by the sink, rolling up my sleeves as I did. “You want these washed?” I asked, barely looking at her.
“Hawk…” she sighed, running a hand down her face. “I know what they’re doing, but?—”
“You don’t want to talk to me.” Disappointment flared in my chest, stomach tightening with an insecurity I’d never felt before. “I get it.”
“No.” She moved so she was in my line of sight, but I kept my eyes on the potatoes, turning the water on and watching the sink fill with muddy water.
“Ivy,” I murmured, “I know I fucked up somewhere. Said something I shouldn’t have. I don’t remember, but that’s not an excuse. And I won’t disrespect you by using it as one.” From the corner of my eye, I watched her press her lips together, but she didn’t respond. “I can’t remember if what I said had any ounce of truth. Can’t tell you that I lied, because I don’t know. What I do know is from what Idoremember of my past, I would never,everdisrespect my mate like that. Would never push my mate away.”
Something dark flickered in her eyes, hand trembling as she ran it through her hair. “Then it’s me, isn’t it?” she asked firmly. “The problem isn’t with mates, but with me. You didn’t wantmespecifically as your mate.”
My stomach sank, heart twisting painfully. “No, that’s not?—”
“That’s what yousaid, Hawk,” she whispered, eyes filling with tears. I turned to her, taking in the closed off stance, the wrong understanding in her eyes. She should be looking at me like she hated me, but she wasn’t. Just hearing those words made me physically ill.
“I offered to break the bond, you know,” she whispered. “And then you kissed me. You told me it wasn’t what you wanted. But then you said you couldn’t do it, and…”
Horror filled me. “That isn’t what I want. Especiallynot now.”
To that, she rolled her eyes. Eyes that filled with tears. “What if you change your mind again? What if your memories come back? Hawk, I don’t…you can’t really make any informed decisions about what you want without all the facts, and the fact is: you didn’t want me.”
“That’s not how I feel, and I don’t—I don’tthinkthat’s how I felt then, either.” I shook my head, feeling that tickle of a memory again. “Please, believe me when I say that.”
Slowly, she shook her head. “I don’t know if I can.” Ivy took a step back from me, like being near me physically pained her. Maybe it did. “I can’t afford to play guessing games with you anymore. It’s literally life or death for me now. And I won’t force you into accepting a mate bond you haven’t wanted since the very beginning.”
If she didn’t want to believe me, then I would have to show her, prove to her that she was wrong—that I had been, too.
“I’ll fight for you, if that’s what you need from me, Ivy. I’ll show you I’m not just fucking around with you.”
“Why?” She shrugged, throwing her hands in the air. “Is it just because you actually feel the pull of the mate bond? What’s changed? Why now and not before? I don’t get it. I don’tunderstand?—”
“You are the only thing my heart remembered when my mind didn’t. The only thing that stayed with me, even when they tried to erase you,” I said, cutting her off and moving towards her. “There is no way the old me wasn’t already deeply in love with you, ready to accept the mate bond. The Hawk that said those words to you had to be lying, because otherwise, how else do you explain you being the only thing to stay with me?”
She blinked hard, staring up at me with those wide, beautiful eyes. Dark like the ancient wood making up this house. The foundations of every part of my life.
“You want specifics?” I asked, backing her into the counter. “I remember your smile. I remember the way the light changed your eyes. I remember you with your sisters, caring for them. Iremembered how soft and gentle you were, but how fiercely protective you were.”
Ivy audibly swallowed, eyes softening. Her lips parted as if she wanted to say something, but no words fell from those plush lips. My mind might not have remembered the kiss she spoke of, but my body did. It remembered the way she felt pressed against it, like she was permanently imprinted against my flesh.
