Me: I’m tired and need to go to bed early tonight. Can’t talk.
The second I send the message, I can’t keep my eyes off my phone. He’ll know I’m lying and that I’m all up in my head about this, but that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t handle this tonight.
DLS: Are you okay?
I don’t reply because I’m not sure that I am okay, and that just pisses me off because I should be fine.
Why does this all seem so easy for him? Why am I the only one who is always all up in my head? We went from never doing this again to schedules, then to him giving me orgasms during video calls, then to him playing basketball with Nash and his best friend and her partner helping me with Sadie’s hair, all in a matter of weeks.
And a part of me wants more. That’s the scariest thing, and that’s why I need to end it.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
James
One thing Ihadn’t let myself think about last night is the fact that I would be seeing Colton in class today. The man will be making me a lunch and sneaking it into my classroom before our lesson. He’ll sit in his seat and listen to me lecture, his warm gaze never leaving me, making me feel naked and wanted while I crave hearing him call me a good boy.
Only, would he call me a good boy? Or would he be angry about last night? If he could, would Sir make me lie over his lap while he swats my ass and makes me tell him how sorry I am for missing our call? Would he get and keep me hard for hours but not let me come?
My dick throbs thinking about it, but I continue to ignore my erection while the water of my shower cascades down my body because I know I’m not allowed to touch myself. Sir says I can’t…the Sir I decided last night would no longer be my Dom, so why am I still thinking about him that way?
I will my eager cock to calm down while I wash my hair. It goes down before I wash my body, and I make sure I’m quick while cleaning my groin because I know it won’t take me much to get hard again. That says something, though, because last night I couldn’t get out of my head enough to getan erection even if I’d wanted to, but look at me now.
I finish getting ready, and as I head into the other room, I hear the kids joking about Nash eating a bagel after it fell on the floor.
“If all the other shit we’ve been through didn’t kill me, eating off James’s obsessively clean kitchen floor won’t.”
First, gross. Why is he eating off the floor?
And second, my house isn’tthatclean. It’s normal clean. I think…
But third—and this is the point that’s got my feet rooted to my hardwood floors—is that I’m not sure I’ve heard him say my name before; at least, not like that. Not in this normal way you talk about a friend or family member, the way someone would talk about the weather or their plans for the weekend. When it comes to me, everything he does or says is so angry that I can’t help wanting to hold on to this absolutely ridiculous moment of him basically calling me a clean freak.
I clear my throat before continuing into the room. Nash’s good mood instantly changes, and I’m again reminded that he does, in fact, hate me.
Sadie, though, gives me a smile.
“Your hair still looks perfect,” I tell her.
“Thanks. I like it so much. I’ve been looking up other styles I’m gonna ask Ms. Tasha about next time.”
“That’s awesome. If you ever want to show any of them to me too, you can. You don’t have to, but if you want.”
“Eat up,” Nash tells her before she can reply, being the little father he is to her. I hate that he thinks he has to be, that he has had to be for the last eleven years.
“Also, I wanted to tell you, Nash, if you ever want to play basketball with me too, I’d like that.”
His gaze snaps to mine, for a moment looking like he might say yes, making a burst of excitement grow in my chest,before his features return to scowling. “Why? Because your friend asked me?”
“What? No.” But the truth is, he’s right. I hadn’t asked him before Colton did. “I would like to play with you. I’m probably not as good as Colton, but maybe you can teach me.”
He huffs. “Yeah. Maybe.” His tone tells me there’s not much of a chance of that happening, and then he’s shoving his earbuds in, essentially putting a DO NOT DISTURB sign on himself.
With a sigh, I make my breakfast before the three of us head out. Like always, I drop Nash off first, and I remind him to get the information about basketball tryouts, but he closes the door without responding.
“Don’t give up on him,” Sadie says when the two of us are alone. “I know it’s a lot, but he’ll come around. It’s just…hard on him.”
“I’m not going to give up on him. I promise.”
