“No shit.” Well, the political science class, at least.
I set the pan on the counter, pull off the top, and the savory scent of meat, potatoes, and garlic makes my stomach growl. She’s made green beans on the side, and we fill our plates, then sit down together.
We chat while eating, about halfway through the meal Mom says, “I’m so proud of you, Colton. You know that, right?”
I do. My father bailed when I was six and Kota four. I’d thought my dad was my best friend before he left. I remember mimicking him, trying to be like him. Now I look back and see he wasn’t a good man. He treated my mom badly, expected her to work full-time and run the house, doing all the work with us boys too. He’d seemed larger than life, but now I know he was nothing but a sham.
“I do,” I tell her.
“You’ve always taken the weight of this family on your shoulders. You’ve been such a little man since you were six—trying to take care of me and Dakota, being there for Han through her ups and downs. I’m so happy you’re finally doing something for yourself, and I’m sorry I wasn’t in a better position to help you with that before now.”
Reaching over, I take her hand. “You did the best with what you were given. Every happy memory Dakota and I have is because of you. We’re lucky to have you as a mom, and I’m doing just fine. Hell, I think it’s better to go to college later. Who can handle that shit at eighteen?”
“You could have. But thank you for always trying to make your mama feel better.” She gives my hand a squeeze before letting go. “Do you want me to pack you a lunch for tomorrow?”
I smile.
“What?” she asks.
“I just love you, is all.”
“I’m just doing what a good mom would.” She smiles.
“Sure. That’d be nice.”
When we’re done, she puts food into a Tupperware for me while I start cleaning the kitchen. Mom tries to tell me I don’t have to, but I’m not leaving her with this mess.
It’s after eight when I get home, shower, then fall into my bed. I scan social media on my phone for a few minutes before I head into the kink app. I have a message from this woman—Crystal—whom I play with from time to time. I saw her last month, and she knows I’m starting my program tomorrow and messaged to tell me good luck.
I reply, then browse my inbox, before I get to my message thread with James. When I click, I’m alerted that the user has closed their account. The messages we shared are gone. It’s like he didn’t exist at all.
CHAPTER FIVE
James
Iwake upbefore my alarm goes off. I didn’t sleep well last night, and there’s no chance in hell I can go back to sleep, so I get out of bed and head to my en suite for a shower.
It’s been a wild couple of months. I had my background check done, and we started the process of ICPC, so I could get approved to move the kids out of Oregon. We were very lucky they were able to streamline the process, something Rebecca said happened because they didn’t have the resources for Nash and Sadie to be with anyone other than me. I had a home study, a day in court, but after that I was able to bring them home. From what I understand, our caseworker will stop by once a month to check on the kids, but unless I do something wrong or the kids are unhappy, they will be able to stay with me.
The hot water cascades down my back as I lower my head beneath the spray. Today is the first day of the fall semester. It’s going to be another adjustment for us all. I’ll drop them off in the morning on my way to work. In the afternoon, they’ll have to ride the school bus, then Nash will wait at the stop for Sadie, since it’s a bit of a walk from my apartment to the closest stop. It’s not ideal, but it’s the best I could come up with, and it has to be better than what they’ve experienced inthe past.
Not that we ever talk about anything like that. We don’t talk about much at all. Nash hates me, though I can’t say I blame him. I can’t imagine what they’ve been through, and the truth is, I wasn’t there. I should have checked in. I should have considered the fact that Sandra could have other kids, but I’d just left and never looked back.
Sadie is quiet, and her whole world is wrapped up in her brother. She looks to him on how to act, what to do or say, and since he wants nothing to do with me, she doesn’t either, though she’s much nicer about it.
And again, what do I know about raising children anyway? I’m not good with people in general, so it works out well that Nash wants to take care of anything Sadie related.
I finish my shower, shave, and get dressed in a pair of black slacks and a button-up. My apartment is only two bedrooms—each on the opposite side of the building—but they’re both large spaces. I replaced the king in the spare room with two double beds, one for each of them. The noise coming from the kitchen tells me I don’t have to wake them up. They’re already up and about.
On my way down the hallway, I hear Sadie say, “I wish he bought cereal.”
Cereal is terrible for you.
“Do you think we can ask him?” she continues.
“No. We’re not asking him for anything. Plus, eggs are good for you.”
“Eggs are boring,” she replies, and Nash chuckles.
