“I love her.” I say it again, this time with more conviction. “Neither of us saw it coming. We were just taking it one day at a time, and I don’t know, Els. I’m not the type to believe in the whole soulmate thing, but with her…it kind of feels like that.”
Her silence lingers a moment longer, but when she speaks again, her biting tone is still there, even if the edge has softened a little. “Loving her doesn’t change the fact that you should’ve been honest about Hallie from the start.”
“I know,” I mutter. “I was scared that if I told her, she wouldn’t give us a chance.” Saying it out loud makes it worse. The truth tastes like ash, bitter and dry. “I thought I could handle the divorce quietly and then come clean once everything was sorted.”
There’s a long sigh from Elsie. It’s heavy and filled with frustration, but it also holds that thread of affection for me despite everything. “You’re my friend, Knox, and I love you like a brother, but what you did was selfish. You robbed Juliette of the choice to make her own decision.”
The weight of her words hits harder than anything else tonight. I’ve been the one keeping Juliette at arm’s length, all in the name of “protecting” her. When, in reality, I’ve just been guarding my own damn fears.
“I know,” I say again. “I fucked up.” I’m choking on that simple truth, and somehow, it doesn’t seem like enough. It’ll never be enough.
“We took her back to her aunt’s,” Elsie says. “I can’t tell you whether she wants to see you, Knox. I don’t know her well enough to know that.”
I swallow hard. “Thanks, Elsie. Tell Finn thanks, too, even though I know I’m on speaker and he’s listening.”
Finn’s voice comes through the line. “Aye, I’m here. Keep us posted.”
The call ends, but I’m left standing here, more lost than ever. I’ve fucked everything up, and now I have to fix it somehow.
I need air.
My feet carry me out into the night, past the muffled sounds of the party still going on inside. I don’t even realize where I’m headed until I’m standing right back at the spot where it all began. Where Juliette came barreling into my world behind the wheel of her aunt’s rusted-out car. The place where her panic collided with my bad timing. And somehow, it felt like fate.
I can’t help but smile at the memory. Her face a mixture of horror and embarrassment as she rolled down the window. Her dark hair whipped around in the wind, and I was drawn to her even then. Before I knew her name. Before I knew the sound of her laugh. Before I understood how she’d turn my entire life upside down.
If I could rewind time, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Only this time, I’d get it right.
I pull out my phone, my thumb hovering over her number. I have to try, even if it’s only to hear her voice one last time. With a deep breath, I dial.
Her voicemail picks up, her lively voice cutting through the silence and making the distance between us that much wider. My heart drops.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I force the words out. “Juliette… I know you don’t want to hear from me right now, but I just… I need to say I’m sorry. I screwed up.” My voice cracks, betraying the tightness in my chest as I stare out into the dark road ahead.
“I never meant to hurt you,” I continue. “God, that’s the last thing I wanted. And I get it, I do, if you don’t want to talk tome again. But I’d really appreciate the chance to explain… To make things right.”
My heart aches with every word I speak.
“I really hope I hear from you… Bye, Juliette.”
I hang up, my fingers clenched tight around the phone. A distant rumble of thunder shakes the air. The storm’s coming, just like the fallout from everything I’ve set in motion. All I can do now is wait and hope she’ll give me the chance to make it right.
thirty-six
JULIETTE
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve played his voicemail. It’s pathetic, really, the way I cling to every syllable, like maybe if I listen closely enough, I’ll hear something that makes all of this hurt a little less.
My heart, the foolish, reckless thing that it is, wants to believe him and trust that he never meant for this to happen. But my mind is louder tonight. It builds walls as fast as my heart tries to tear them down.
And still, it haunts me. The rough scrape of his voice through the speaker, threaded with desperation. “I never meant to hurt you. God, that’s the last thing I wanted.”
Love. Even that word is too simple for what’s burning in me when I think of him.
It doesn’t scratch the surface, let alone sink down to where the truth of it lives. I used to think I understood love. Thought what I felt for James counted.
But these feelings I possess forKnox?It’s something else entirely.
It’s him in every quiet corner of my day, in the way my heart stumbles at the thought of his stupid, crooked half smile. It’s how I see something beautiful or ridiculous or completely mundane and instinctively think,God, I wish he was here for this.
