He and Cormac both frown.
Doctor. They’re thinking about Dad in the hospital. Guilt lands on me like a heavy coat. ‘That was stupid, wasn’t it?’
Cormac gives me a hug. ‘No, you’re all good. But I think maybe you could do with that water and something to eat.’
Paul pours me a glass and I gulp it down. The easy, relaxed flow is gone. I’m heavy, clumsy and dumb. I don’t want Paul to see me like this.
Screw the visions. I suggest going home, but Cormac thinks I should sober up first. They direct me to the sofa and stick on a crappy film about a spy. I try to follow the plot, but I’m lost in my own thoughts and distracted by a light now shining in through the front window.
Leave me alone.
Paul heats some pizzas and I devour mine.
By the end of the film, I’m starting to feel more like myself.
‘Sorry I was a bit of a lightweight earlier.’
‘You were grand,’ says Paul. ‘You’ve had a rough day.’
‘So, I didn’t make a dick of myself?’
‘Nah,’ says Cormac. ‘It was nice to see you relax a bit.’
I smile. ‘Thanks. I’ve had a really good night.’
We put on another film, the three of us squeezed on the sofa. Paul sits in the middle and his arm rests against mine. It’s a buddy comedy thing with an unlikely duo. Paul and Cormac are cracking up at it and that makes me smile. I sit back and sip on the Coke that I’ve wisely moved on to. Mum texts to see if I’m OK and says there’s no change. I tell her yes, because right now I am. Probably because I’m still a little drunk, but who cares?
About halfway through the film Cormac jumps up. ‘Shit, it’s nearly twelve. I have an early shift tomorrow and my da will murder me if I get home late.’
Paul hits pause on the film and stretches his arms up. ‘Ah, no way.’ He glances at me, then back at Cormac. ‘You can’t watch the rest of it?’ Does he want me to say something? Does he want me to stay? He winks and my heart thumps; like actually thumps in an ‘oh my God I can literally feel my heart fully pounding in my chest and I had no idea hearts could do this outside of love stories and it’s so loud that surely he can hear it too’-type thump.
‘Oh yeah, can we not watch the rest? It must be near done,’ I say.
Paul smiles.
My heart thumps louder.
‘Nah,’ Cormac says. ‘I’ve seen it already.’
Shit.
He picks up his jacket. ‘Do you wanna stay and watch the rest?’
My heart thumps like a thumping thing.
Paul shrugs. ‘Fine with me. Stay for a bit?’
My heart is now thumping like that Muppet drummer on amphetamines.
‘OK.’ I squeak slightly.
‘No sweat,’ says Cormac. ‘Cheers for tonight, fella.’ He gives Paul a guy hug, then turns to me. ‘See ya in the morning. You got a key, right?’
‘Nobody will mind, will they? Don’t want to wake anyone.’
‘All good. Just text your ma to let her know you’re not walking the streets again, and come in quietly. Laters, gentlemen. Some of us need to rest before another day earning dollar in the big grind.’ He bows and goes.
Paul grins. ‘Your cousin’s a geg.’
