I drink two beers in about half an hour while Paul and Cormac finish their football game. Paul offers to turn it off, but I say no. I stare at the digital men running around the screen with their little ball and wait for the alcohol to take effect. I finally get a text back from Ben in response to telling him about my dad being in intensive care.
really sorry mate
No problem MATE
That was rude. I guess the beer is starting to kick in after all.
But good. Fuck him. Fuck Ben. Fuck Meg. Fuck the Morrigan. Fuck those fucking fuckety crows!
I silence my phone and get more beers from the fridge. My brain starts to settle and there’s a warm fuzziness in the back of my head. We head outside and sit in the garden.
Cormac is talking about a girl he likes from the coffee shop. ‘She’s really fancy, South Belfast, like upmarket, oldmoney Protestant, you know?’ Paul laughs and I join in, even though I’ve no idea why this is funny.
I slap him on the back. ‘You should go for it, cuz.’
Cormac laughs. ‘Oh yeah, should I?’
‘Yeah, you’re the best!’
He blushes. ‘She’sreallyposh though. She said her ma was an architect.’
Paul takes a swig of beer. ‘Thatisposh.’
I put my beer down on the table. ‘No, but, like, you could be her, like, you know, opposites-attract guy.’
Cormac puts his hand on his chest. ‘Are you suggesting I be her tawdry little secret from the grimy streets of West Belfast. Have an illicit affair that pushes against the religious and class barriers that bind us all? Am I to be a secret side piece to a lady from the other side of the Lagan?’
I nod. ‘Yeah, you can be her bit of rough.’
Cormac laughs. ‘I like drunk Michael. He gets me.’
I beam at him. ‘Aww! You’re the best cousin.’
Cormac clinks his can against mine. ‘Thanks, pal.’
Paul is leaning back on his chair and I can feel his eyes on me and I like it. I want to feel at ease like this. Not care what anyone thinks. I want to have fun.
A heavy drop of rain falls on my head. ‘Boo,’ I shout at it, which sets Paul and Cormac laughing again. ‘What?’ I say. Then I hiccup and they carry on laughing at me and I don’t care. People are laughing at something stupid I did and I don’t care. I feel free and silly.
As the rain starts to fall, a dull ache throbs at the back of my head and there’s a glow on my face. I turn to see a light shining up from a few streets away. They’re trying to draw me to a vision, but the light seems dimmer than before.
Thank you, beer!
I feel compelled to go to it, but I resist.
‘Let’s go in,’ I say, and as Paul and Cormac head towards the door I raise a finger towards the light. ‘Fuck you!’
It flares and a sting lashes across my forehead that causes me to stumble backwards. I regain my balance then follow the others.
We’re out of beer. Cormac asks if I want to head home and I say no. The light is pouring in through the back window. If alcohol dulls the effect then… ‘I want to drink more.’
I spot Paul sharing a look with Cormac. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes. I need this, please.’
He pats me on the back. ‘OK, but drink some water, yeah?’
I roll my eyes. ‘OK, doctor.’
