“Not your Auntie Bridget.That’sfor sure,” Malek jabbed, Greg snorting behind him as they passed through the living room with grocery bags. I turned sharp and the Barbie flew behind me, hitting him in the thigh.
“Shut your damn mouth!”
“Two bucks in the swear jar, Auntie Bridge.” Em threw two fingers up.
Miss Ruth propped the kitchen door open, and a heavenly smell wafted through it while she pointed an oven mitt towards me. “Told you I’d figure out a way to clean y’all’s mouths up. Malek is gonna put these babies through college at the rate he’s going.”
Seven plopped onto the couch behind Em and started playing with her hair. “And I’ll be the shameful one that doesn’t contribute a dime because I’m such an angel.”
Greg popped around the corner of the dining room holding a five-dollar bill and pressed it into a porcelain vase on a side table. “Gonna go ahead and do my duty…‘cause that’sbullshit.”
“That’s not the swear jar, stupid,” Seven winked, flipping him the bird. Declan and Mr. Vernon finally came through with the rest of the grocery bags, and I met eyes with him as he passed. We talked about a lot between the shower, the sex, and the car ride over here. I’m really shocked how well we’re hiding all this right now.
“Swear jar’s on the kitchen counter,” he smirked, following Vernon into the kitchen doorway.
“You would know.” I dropped the last half-naked Barbie to the table and leaned over it, whispering. “Uncle Declan is a toilet mouth.”
“You still gotta put money in the jar.”
I picked up the half-sized Barbie that looked like she dug it out of a Goodwill bin and made a face at it before I tossed it to the side by its hair. “I see you…and I raise you. A new Barbie that doesn’t look like a trollop or the stuff Uncle Dec pulls out of our bathroom sink. Deal?”
“Oooo! Okay!”
We shook on it and Sev shook her head. “Things are becoming clearer.”
“Quiet, you,” I snapped.
“Em, where’s your sister?” Seven asked.
“Mommy took her to the potty. That’s how Viv makeshermoney.” We both tried to stifle our laughs. I had to look away. “Every time Vivian doesn’t poop her pants or wet the bed, they give her money. All I got was Papa’s grosscandy.”
“Guess bribery runs in the family,” Malek said, shoving me over and crossing his legs to play with Em’s Barbies.
“I knowyou’re not talkin’, Malek Byrne.” Sev crossed her arms. He walked one of the dolls across the table and dramatically tossed the head back and forth.
“Like…oh mygahhhhd, your gifts suck…but don’t get meflowerssssah.” I covered my mouth and Mal snapped his tongue, flipping the Barbie around to whip its hair. “You upgraded my toyssssah?!Howterribullllll…” Em cackled and Sev rolled her eyes, shaking her head while she leaned back into the couch.
“I faithfully hate you. And I don’t sound like that.”
“You soundexactlylike that,” Greg called through a mouthful of God only knows what.
“That’s enough. Everybody at the table!” Ruth waved an arm towards the dining room and strutted off while we all got up and witnessed the quick death of my brother’s nipples before doing as we were told. Sev looked triumphant while they sat down…Mal just looked fired up.
Gross.
I’ve only had dinner at this house a couple of other times, and while it’s always immaculate, I have to say…Ruth outdid herself tonight. She even made lemon centerpieces and a fancy five-layer dessert. This is the treatment weshouldhave gotten at the French restaurant. Dinner wasn’t without its expected quirks. Everybody took turns taking jabs at each other, Mr. Vernon and Malek talked cars, to which Declan immediately tuned out. There was a very odd conversation with the littles about green beans that I’ve yet to understand. Overall, I think wedid pretty good, following Sev’s demands for best behavior. I’m not having the worst time, which is also different for me.
Truth is…I’ve always had a family. Just not one like this. The real kind that shows love in all the right ways…ways that don’t make it hard to ease into. The way Declan keeps looking at me just amplifies that. I was all kinds of stupid for leaving him out of everything I’ve been up to. I thought I was keeping everybody safe, but the truth is…we’re safertogether.
“Alright,” Ruth said, dabbing the corner of her mouth and breaking up the chatter. “Since nobody’s asked, I guess it’s time to tell you the reason we wanted everybody together tonight.”
“Greg’s finally getting a sex change. I knew it.” Sev pointed her fork at him and he gawked, his wife Maggie hiding her face while she cackled.
“My vagina would be next level. And prettier than yours.”
Em scrunched her nose and Vivian ate gravy off her fingers, completely oblivious to everything.
“Son…for God’s sake. You really can’t be helped, can you?” Vernon shook his head. Random pieces of food flew across the table, and I dipped to the left to avoid it. “Okay, seriously though…we have news. And Greg’s preferred genitalia isn’t part of it.”
