Two years later
Whoever said life is easy, was either a liar, or hadn’t been faced with the same problems as us. Don’t get me wrong, it hadn’t all been gloomy, but a recovering gambler isn’t always the life and soul of the party, as we soon found out. For the first six months, he fought the urge to go to the casino, I think even he thought it would be easier than what it was. There were times he had to call his sponsor, he found it easier talking to him than me. Which I didn’t mind, my hormones were all over the place. I felt like I had to watch his every move – not very good for a relationship that was just starting out. There were times when his self-hate got too much and he’d cry, saying sorry multiple times as he rested his head on my baby bump. There were other times I’d cry for a normal relationship, but at the end of the day I loved him.
I poured all my feelings out to Roman and Paisley when they got too much, even Nikki and Rhys. They were the ones who knew him best, they were also the people who could help with his recovery. Roman made him his right hand, gave him more responsibility and he worked a lot more closely with Rhys. It seemed to help, and day by day things slowly got better. Alex revoked his membership from High Rollers too as a favour to us all. Alex had seen more than one meltdown already. He didn’t want him to be tempted, not that he couldn’t go to different casino, but to come through this I had to trust him, we all had to. I felt like the villain of the peace most days, but I had no other choice. But we came through it and we’re stronger for it.
Every day, his resilience grows, and I couldn’t be prouder of him. Between work, friends and our little family, we kept him busy enough. Even my mom took him in as a surrogate son. She made sure he was okay, cheered him on from the wings and he found a good friend in my brother, Dan, too.
I’d heard of people losing themselves to the people they loved but I never got it. But in the last two years, I’d done the same thing. Not completely, just a small piece of myself. If I was honest, I lost that the day I met him. There was something about him that I just couldn’t shake off.
As I sat here now, I looked around the house that we’ve made a home in, and my heart is so full of love and contentment. I got the house I wanted, the wraparound porch, the swing, the small picket fence, and we even got a dog. Gav had always cheered on an underdog, considering he was one himself, so when he found the white American Bulldog pup laying at the side of the road, hurt, Gav took it upon himself to get him checked out, fixed up and brought him home. He’s since become part of the family. Just another example of the massive heart he has.
As giggles filtered down the stairs, Max cocked up an ear from beside me, lifted his head and looked towards the stairs.“Easy boy, they’re just playing.” I gave his head a rub and he rested it back down on his paw.
Over the next half an hour the noise upstairs quietened down. I placed my cup with my sweet tea inside on the table and got up from the couch. I drifted up the stairs to the bedroom and stood in the doorway. Gav sat between the two beds as he read our twin girls a story, only I think he was enjoying it way more than he would care to admit, since he was still reading, and Sophie and Imogen were softly snoring away. With my shoulder resting against the frame, I smoothed my hand over my now protruding belly.
Yes, I was pregnant again.
His voice trailed off to almost a whisper, and he placed the book on the floor. He clambered up and kissed each of them on the foreheads. “Goodnight, my little angels.” I loved seeing him with our girls. The very first time he held them, my ovaries almost exploded. “Daddy loves you.”
I thought my heart was going to burst then and there. Emotions flooded me as he watched them for a moment longer, then turned around. A soft loving smile formed slowly on his lips as he stepped up to me. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Not long.” His hands rested on my belly as he leaned forward and kissed my lips, he stepped around me, led me from the bedroom and pulled the door until there was just a slither of a gap, just enough to let some light in. We made our way down the stairs. The baby monitor was in his hand as we made our way outside onto the porch. This was our nightly ritual. The girls would go to sleep and we’d sit out here on the swing to discuss our day and anything else that came up in conversation. Max followed us outside and lay on the porch at the side of the swing. Gav’s hand encased mine, he held onto it like I was about to run away as he turned his head to look at me.
“You look tired,”
“Hm, a little.”
“Has this little dude been doing a workout in there again?” I chuckled; he had such a way with words.
“Pretty much. I don’t remember the girls being this energetic though.”
“That’s because they were fighting for their own space in there.” He used his free hand to rub my belly, waiting to see if he’d recognise Daddy’s touch and like magic, he kicked. Gav smiled wide. I loved seeing that smile on his face. “This one has all the space in the world.”
As our baby boy kicked away and Gav teased him by moving his hand to different places to see if he’d follow, I brought up a subject that he’d shot down previously before we could get going, “Have you thought anymore about letting your parents know they’re grandparents?”
“Nope. And no, I won’t consider it and no, I don’t want to talk about it.” He lay across the swing and rested his head in my lap, snuggling his cheek against my belly. My fingers ran through his hair and his eyes closed. He may have changed a lot of his bad habits, but his parents were a subject he refused to back down on.
“Gav?”
“What?” He sounded grumpy now, I’d pissed him off. But I hate to think they might be missing out on two beautiful little souls, but I knew I had to drop it. This was a subject he’d never cave on.
“Would you ever marry me?” There was silence. Other than the crickets clicking away in the grass and the soft snoring from the dog, neither of us so much as breathed. Gav hadn’t moved a muscle yet and I think my heart had stopped.
“Seriously?” his voice was thick with unfiltered emotion.
“Deadly.” Slowly, he picked himself up and sat beside me. I couldn’t bring myself to look at his face instead I looked at our joined hands.
We’d never broached this subject. He’d never asked, and I’d never brought it up, but deep down I wanted him to be my husband. I wanted that commitment…I was ready for that commitment.
My eyes closed as his fingers softly cupped my jaw and turned my face to look at him. I was scared. I didn’t want to see rejection in his eyes. “Open your eyes, sweetheart,” I swallowed, “look at me.”
“I can’t.” My voice was small, timid as I chewed my lip nervously.
“Yeah, you can.” I let them flutter open at his request. “There she is…my princess. My Queen.” He pressed his lips to mine in a tender kiss, it was so soft water filled my eyes, is this where he lets me down gently. He followed it with a kiss on my forehead. I tried to smile but the suspense was killing me. He held my face loosely in his hands as he peppered kisses over my face until he came back to my mouth. His tongue slipped between my parted lips and kissed me, he bled his passion, his love, his everything into this one kiss and as I clung on to him, I gave him everything I had back. As he pulled away, our foreheads came together, “Was that a rhetorical question?" He asked softly.
“Maybe.”
He nodded, “Then maybe I would.”
