Was he laughing at me?
Were they all laughing at how stupid I’d been?
I curled myself into a tight ball, hugged a cushion to my chest and let my eyes close. I couldn't go on like this. Those were the last words in my head as I drifted off to sleep, it was all I did these days, that and cry.
When I finally woke up, I knew I had to get away from here for a few days. I had my appointment tomorrow but I could always rearrange, getting away from here was my first priority. I needed to clear my head and work out what I was going to do, and there was only one person I could get to help me…the person that every girl needs - her mom.
Once I had a few days’ worth of clothes packed in a bag, I added my chargers, camera, and laptop on top of my clothes, and fastened it up. I threw it in the car on the passenger seat and went back to write a note for Holly, letting her know where I’d gone.
Holly
Gone to stay with my mom for a few days. I need to clear my head and work out what’s best for me. Love you. xx
As I drove, all I could think about was Gav. He haunted me. This was the best thing for me right now. I needed to be away from him, and everyone in the line of fire.
It was a nice drive down to Santa Monica. The scenery had never changed and as soon as I hit the town, I instantly felt relaxed. I wondered sometimes why I’d ever left.
I drove out of the beach town, into the more urban areas, and followed the winding roads that led to my mom’s rental. It was a gorgeous house with a wraparound porch and a swing. Something I wanted for myself one day, well, when I could afford one. An image of a little girl with pigtails sitting on a porch swing, playing with her dolls sparked in my mind as mymom’s house came into my view. It was then that I remembered I hadn’t told them about the baby. I hadn’t had chance. This visit was going to be eventful. I pulled onto the drive behind my mom’s car and sat there for a minute, staring vacantly out of the windshield. The curtain twitched and I knew it was mom. Tears filled my eyes again, I guess I’d done well not crying all the way here, but now, knowing that my mom was on the other side of that door, made me even more emotional. I hadn’t seen her for months. The tears ran down my cheeks as the front door opened, and the mousy woman that gave birth to me, greeted me with a sad smile as she crossed the drive to me. Her face changed from smiley to a frown, she knew instantly that there was something wrong. My door opened, and as she bent down to peer in the car, she took one look at me, and her shoulders sagged.
“Oh, angel. Come on, let’s get you some tea.” I’d drunk that much tea over the last couple of days I could probably swim in it. I took her hand tightly and let her help me out of the car. She wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “Leave everything else, we can get it later.” I nodded and cried with my head rested on her shoulder. “You can tell me all about the man that’s broken my baby’s heart.”
“How do you know it’s a man?” I sniffed. My voice thick as I tried to speak.
“There’s only a man that can make you feel like this, angel.” She tightened her arm around me and kissed the side of my head.
God, it was good to be home.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Gavin
“FUCK!” My fingers threaded into my hair and I tugged.
Why?
Why the fuck do these things always happen to me?
As I released my hair, I stood upright just in time to see her tear-arsing out of the car park, all I could do was stand by and watch her leave. Why the fuck didn’t I follow her to her car? Fuck, I’m an idiot. I’d let her go. I should have made her listen to me. Whirling around back to the security door, I yanked hard on the handle, but it didn’t budge. It took me two attempts to realise that it was locked. “Fuck!” Patting the pockets in my shorts, I realised I had no fob to get in. I stabbed the button for my apartment, keeping my finger on it until Nikki answered it. As soon as I heard her voice I spoke, “Let me in.” I was fucking angry, but it was at nobody but myself. Why did I open that bottle? Although nothing had happened, how the fuck did I get her to believe me?
I ran along the hallway until I reached my front door and shoved it open. “She’s fucking gone.” I yelled, “Fuck knows what’s going through her head.”
“Do you want me to talk to her?”
My neck rolled and I looked at Nikki. “Are you fucking joking?” I asked bemused. “You think she’s gonna listen?”
“It’s worth a try.” She shrugged, “I mean we didn’t do anything.”
“I know that, and you know that,” I pointed between us, “even these four walls know that, but she doesn’t.” I dropped my arse into the couch and put my face in my hands. “All she knows is that me and you have a past, and she’s still reeling from yesterday. She’s put two and two together and come up with fucking five. I walked away from her, Nik. I walked away from my unborn child because I couldn’t deal, and now this. I’ll be lucky if she ever looks at me again, let alone talks to me.” The seat dipped next to me, and with my brows heavy over my eyes, I looked at Nikki. “As ever, Gav fucks everything up.”
“If you won’t let me go see her, then you go. Make her listen, Gav.”
I growled through in pure frustration, “Maybe I should ask Roman to talk to her, he's the smooth talking one. He could get anyone out of the shit.” I mumbled behind my hands.
“It’s not a bad idea, but he’s a little caught up with Paisley right now,” Nikki added, “let me help.”
“I don’t know, Nik. I think I need to sort this out by myself, just like you said last night.”
“Aw, the boy’s all grown up.” She joked. But I was in no fucking joking mood.
