“Oh, Carter made one for me. In case I want to start a business. I haven’t got around to—”
The way Martha lights up, you’d think I saved all the kids from a burning building, and it makes me uncomfortable. It’s no big deal.
Who am I kidding? I’m more invested in Eliza’s life than I should be. The traitorous warmth on my face gives them the wrong impression because Sam flashes me a huge grin and pats my shoulder.
“There’s no shame in doin’ what we can for our special ladies, son.”
What’s going on between us is growing into something too real. Emotional touches too hot for my liking. I preferred my clinical spreadsheets and clean reports.
How did she trick me into wanting to make her dreams come true? That tendril of doubt grows larger, curling around my brain, blinding me to anything but the pressing urge to get out.
We drive back in silence after Eliza stops trying to pull anything but monosyllabic answers out of me. I’m so wound up, my skin vibrates with the force of the storm brewing inside of me. Doubts about her, the dread of going back, worry and frustration over the company and the scandal. It’s all churning in my solar plexus.
I follow Eliza inside her little home out of habit and while she talks about her classes, I stare aimlessly out the window, into the dark forest.
What am I still staying here for? My sister did a great job calming the investors and the public but today UniCore posted an attack piece causing another drop. Their CEO and perpetual thorn in my side is saying my disappearance left the company adrift and an inside source claimed the investors are still worried despite Jackie’s reassurances.
“During our last class, the teacher mentioned the school has these events in their auditorium. They bring out successful people in the industry and students can ask them questions.”
She’s excited and I finally turn to look at her. “You plan on going?”
“I’d love to check it out,” she says with more enthusiasm now that I’ve tuned in to the conversation. “I could visit you after you go back. Crash your place in the middle of the night, scare you to death, and then force you to be my roommate for three months.”
She laughs, but I see red.
There’s no stopping the aftermath of the worries colliding inside my head. The torture of having thoughts of a life with her and ruining my future because I want too much to stay here with her. Everything I worked for, my father worked for. My mother and Jackie left without protection.
“Don’t think I’ll be your golden ticket out of here. You’re nice but there’s nothing more.”
All the joy drains from her face, her lips parting. Her wide eyes swim with confusion and hurt.
Fuck, this does not feel better.
“Get over yourself, Carter. I’m perfectly happy here!” She bites her lip, hands-on hips, piercing me with a cutting gaze. “OK, not perfectly.” She pinches the ends of her hair and twirls the strand deep in thought. Then with a resolute exhale, she continues. “I’ll be happy. I’ll make it happen.”
“Who’re you trying to convince?” I scoff.
“At least I’m not afraid to try.”
“To what end? We’re not—”
“I made the jump.” She cuts me off. “Even with an end date I still let myself fall. It scared the hell out of me. I never took risks, but you know what? It feels wonderful. Even with the hurt waiting around the corner. I’d rather get burned than not live at all. Can you say the same?”
“You’re too naive,” I bite.
“Aren’t you tired of pretending you feel nothing? How long are you going to lie to yourself?”
It stings. Calling me out like that.
“Just because we fucked around for a few weeks doesn’t mean you know me.”
Eliza gasps and steps back, holding a hand to her collarbone.
“Please, save me your self-righteous pity. This whole simple and happy act. You all want the money and the glamor. The man with the fat pockets.” I serve a quote direct from my father. “I can’t pretend we’re something when my future is crumbling while I waste time here with you.”
She squares her shoulders and nods, her lips two hard lines.
“I’m sorry for you if that is what you think.” Her voice is thick, and the sound lodges painfully in my heart.
