Hannah shrugged. “It had to be right.”
Janie had gotten used to that particular mantra and had even come to expect it after Hannah continued to sweep Janie off herfeet in the first couple of years of their relationship. When the triplets came along though, she took it to the extreme, making Janie feel like shecouldn’tget it right. The realization slammed into her, and she clutched her chest.
Hannah’s eyes widened, and she scooched closer. “What’s wrong?”
She was about to dismiss it, but Rae’s voice in her head reminded her they had to be honest. Janie paused a second longer before she shared her thoughts.
Hannah dropped back into the couch and put her hands behind her head. “I added to the pressure, didn’t I? I made your depression worse.”
Janie turned sideways and tucked her legs underneath her. She traced lines on Hannah’s forearm, along the muscle Janie liked to watch move and dance while they made love. The hit of desire struck her almost as hard as the recent realization. God, her emotions and hormones were going haywire. “That doesn’t matter now,” she said. “What matters is this, right here. I told you because I don’t want to keep secrets, not because I want to make you feel bad.”
Hannah tugged at her ear. “Honesty’s kind of painful, isn’t it?”
Janie nodded. “It can be. But it can be wonderful too. I canhonestlysay that you’re my gibbon.”
Hannah laughed loudly. “I remember watching that program with you in Vegas when we first met.”
Janie nodded. “In between all the sex,” she whispered.
“You’re a bad influence.” Hannah’s eyes twinkled mischievously. “You’re making me want to ditch this homework and spend the rest of the night making out.” She looked down at the journals on the edge of the sofa. “But this is important stuff…right?”
Janie arched her eyebrow at Hannah’s wavering resolve. “Right,” she said and picked up the notebooks again. “And I get to choose.”
Hannah’s eyes sparkled for a different reason. “Yeah, andthen I can explain why I chose them.”
Just for fun, Janie held one in each hand and looked between the two for way longer than was necessary, because she’d known which one she wanted from the moment she pulled them from the wrapping. When Hannah looked like she might explode if Janie didn’t pick one soon, she clutched the dove book to her chest and thrust the elephants toward Hannah.
“Yes!” Hannah took it from her and held it in the air like a trophy, then she beamed a megawatt smile at Janie. “Okay, so you want to know why I bought the ones I did?” She barely waited until Janie had nodded. “I got the doves for you because they’re a symbol of a new beginning, which is what we’re doing. And I got this one for me because I never want to forget who you are to me ever again. I always want to remember our love and who we are together.”
Janie’s heart swelled against her chest, and she ran her fingers along Hannah’s jawline. “That’s so thoughtful. I love it.” She kissed Hannah’s cheek and stayed that way, so close, breathing in her scent for a moment longer before she drew away and waved her journal between them. “Homework.”
Hannah swallowed hard enough for Janie to hear, and she had to blink a few times before her eyes lost their drowsy desire. “Homework,” she said and sighed deeply.
Janie shifted to the other end of the couch and began to scribble. With each thing she thought of, she found herself grinning like Lewis Carroll’s Cheshire Cat, and in no time at all, had to stop herself at ten when she could easily have written one hundred things. She looked up at Hannah, who either had already finished or hadn’t begun because she couldn’t think of anything. “Could you go first?” Janie edged forward, hoping Hannah’s list was finished, and she was just allowing her fear to catastrophize. “I’m feeling pretty unlovable,” she said after Hannah frowned.
“Sure.” Hannah took a sip of wine and put her pen back in its loop on the book. “Okay. Ten things I love about you,” she said.
Janie sneaked a peak and saw that Hannah had underlined the task three or four times. She braced herself, not sure what to expect.
“One,” Hannah said, her voice soft. “The way you bite your lip when you’re concentrating on something. You scrunch up your face a little bit, and it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”
Heat rushed up Janie’s neck and into her cheeks. She hadn’t realized Hannah had noticed that.
“Two: how you always save the last bite of dessert for me, even when I tell you to just eat it. You cut it in half and insist we share, like you don’t want me to miss out on anythingever.”
“I do do that,” Janie said. “Remember that red velvet cake?”
Hannah nodded. “At Freddie’s. Before we went to the theater to watchPrincess, Priestess, Witch.”
Janie remembered that night. Gabe had practically puppeteered Hannah into complimenting Janie. “It was our last date night before I moved into the guest room.”
“And the first one we’d had in months.” Hannah huffed out a long breath. “I’m sorry I stopped making time for you.”
Janie put her finger to Hannah’s lips. “Don’t. That’s the past.” She flicked her gaze to Hannah’s page. “Keep going. I’m enjoying this.”
Hannah kissed Janie’s finger. “Three: the fierce, protective look you get in your eyes when someone you love is threatened. I saw it when we were talking to David about your mother, and I’ve seen it a thousand times with the girls. It’s like watching a lioness protecting her pride.”
A steady warmth, warning of imminent tears, began to rise behind her eyes. But Janie didn’t try to stop it. She didn’t want to hide her emotions from Hannah; she didn’t want to hide anything from her again.
