Rae tapped her notebook, catching Solo’s attention, and she glanced up at the wall clock. “That’s all we have time for today, Hannah. You have this slot as long as you want it. Do you want to check with Janie before you decide anything?”
Solo frowned. “I’m not giving up, doc. I’ll talk to Janie, and if she’s willing to come to these sessions, that’d be amazing. And if she doesn’t…” She tugged on her ear again, not quite believing what she was about to ask. “If she doesn’t, can we have another session every week to keep, you know, working on me?”
Rae nodded. “I think that would be a great idea, Hannah,” she said and smiled. “We talked earlier about how hard therapy is, and I can see that you struggled to stay in the room with me today. But you did, and that’s fantastic. It bodes well for future sessions.” She stood and began to walk to the door. “I think it’s clear that you’re prepared to do the difficult work required to help yourselfandyour family.”
Solo got up and joined Rae. “Thanks, doc. I appreciate it.” She left the office and jogged down the stairs to the parking lot. At her car, she stopped to take a second. She’d fought for freedom for oppressed communities across the world, fought for her country against terrorists, even fought for her life a couple of times, but this fight for her family was going to be her most challenging battle ever.
CHAPTER 6
“I never thoughtyou’d leave your family.” Austin sat back on the sofa in the corner of the bar and shook his head slowly. “Are you sure that’s what you really want?”
Of course she wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure of anything. That was part of the problem. Navigating life and all its complex decisions had never been much of a trial before, but then…everything had gotten muddied and complicated. And dangerous. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to block the memory.
But she failed. Just like she’d failed to banish the horror movie from her brain countless times before. She’d messed up, and her conscience was never going to let her forget it.
And why would it? If she was allowed to forget what she’d done, if she didn’t learn from it, God knows what could happen. She shook her head. She deserved this punishment. The mental torture would stop her from dreaming that she could slip back into Hannah’s arms, from hoping to ever hold her children again.
“Janie?”
She looked across at Austin, so comfortable in his skin, so confident in his self-identity. When he’d taken an interest in her after he’d moved to Chicago from their office in Houston, she’d been a little starstruck by his charm. And his understanding; that’d made her guard drop too. But unlike Katherine Hill, Austin’s interest had been purely professional. When she talked, he listened.Reallylistened.Hiseyes didn’t wander to the baby monitor or to any one of the highchairs where the babies sat. He gave her his full attention. Of course, it made sense that Hannah’s attention had wandered. Hannah hadn’t known whythe triplets needed her complete attention, but she’d clearly sensed it. She’d clearly made the connection that Janie shouldn’t be trusted with their children.
“Janie? Are you okay?”
She offered Austin a smile, and he raised his eyebrows.
“You don’t have to smile at me unless you mean it,” he said. “You should know that by now.”
She laughed lightly. “We’ve been talking for a little over a month. I don’t think that qualifies me to make that judgment.”
“You don’t?” Austin frowned. “I feel like I know you better than people who’ve been in my orbit for decades. When two people connect like we have, friendship isn’t measured in time.”
Her answering smile was far more genuine this time, albeit a little tentative. She’d been wondering if she could truly count Austin as her friend once that spark of attraction had faded, but now he’d given her permission to do exactly that. “I don’t know what I want. I don’t really know who I am anymore.” She took a long sip of red wine and gazed beyond Austin into the crowd of other lawyers gathered at the bar, demanding service. If Janie worked here, she’d spit into the glasses of many of the people who frequented the place. The thought made her study her own glass, but she’d always been pleasant and polite to all the staff, regardless of her mood or if she’d won or lost her most recent case.
“Are you talking to someone about this?” Austin asked.
Janie motioned toward him with her half-empty glass. “I’m talking to you.”
“You know what I mean, Janie,” he said, raising his eyebrows. “You need to talk to someone who can help you parse out this conundrum.”
She scoffed. “If only it were that easy.”
“I thought you said you were seeing a couples’ therapist. Couldn’t she?—”
“Oh, crap.” Janie tilted her head back and blew out a long breath. Would the examples of how poor a human being shewas never stop coming?
Austin frowned. “What’s wrong?”
Janie slipped her phone from her purse and checked the calendar app.Thiswas why she didn’t deserve a family. “We had a session tonight.” She closed her eyes briefly. “But I conveniently forgot.”
“Isn’t that what you have an assistant for? To keep you apprised of your commitments?”
Janie tapped her messages app and sighed inwardly at the unopened message from Amanda doing exactly that. “She did. And she tried to tell me something as I was leaving the office, but I was in too much of a hurry to get a drink with you. Seems like I was determined to miss it.” There were messages and missed calls from Hannah too, but she couldn’t bring herself to read or listen to them, couldn’t bear to hear the disappointment in Hannah’s voice. She was fighting so hard to keep their family together when really, she should just let Janie go and find someone worthy of the titles of mom and wife. She deserved someone better and so did the triplets.
“Maybe you need a therapist just for yourself before you dive back into couples’ therapy,” Austin said. “Maybe that’s why you sub-consciously stopped yourself from going to that appointment.”
Janie emptied her glass and nodded toward the bar. She’d need a top-up if they were going to continue this conversation. “Do you want another?”
“No, thanks.”
