Rosie held up her hand. “I can’t… If I let you hug me, I’m afraid I’ll lose it.” She closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. “I’m barely hanging on, and there’s…so much to do.”
Shay nodded and motioned back down the hallway. “I’m going to get dressed, and then we can talk more.” She thought about how disinclined she’d been to talk to anyone, even Gabe, when she’d gotten the news that her momma had died. “If you want to.”
“I’ll make coffee.”
Shay rushed back to the bedroom, grabbed her dress, and locked herself in the bathroom. She flipped the toilet seat up and dropped to her knees. She held her braids back and retched into the bowl, but only bile came up. When the nausea receded slightly, Shay rocked back on her ass and held her head in her hands. “Momma, I miss you so much.” She would’ve known what to say in this situation; she always had the words.
And she wouldn’t have run off to the bathroom to vomit. Shay recomposed herself, cleaned up, and got dressed then headed back to the open plan living space. A steaming mug of coffee sat on a coaster, while Rosie sat with her feet tucked beneath her ass in the furthest corner of the couch. She seemed to be gripping her own mug so tightly that it was in danger of imploding in her hands.
Shay positioned herself sideways on the opposite end of the couch and faced Rosie. “I’m here for you.” She wanted to mean the words so much but wasn’t sure she was capable of seeing them through.
Rosie lifted her phone from its place on the sofa beside her. “I’ve missed fifteen calls and messages from Lori. She came over last night, but I guess I silenced the intercom after I let you up.” Her lips twitched in an apparent attempt to smile. “She wants to be here for me too, but I think I’d be better off facing this alone.”
“Have you called her?” Shay already knew the answer. Sound carried easily in Rosie’s apartment, and she’d heard nothing but the bubbling of the coffee pot. “She’ll be worried sick.”
Rosie tapped her phone and shook her head. “You’re MIA too. She and Gabe will probably just think we’re together somewhere.”
Shay sucked her teeth and arched her eyebrow.
Rosie sighed deeply. “I’ll do that now, I guess.”
Her flat, almost emotionless tone rang alarm bells, signaling that Rosie was keeping her grief at bay. But who was Shay to dictate how anyone dealt with death when she was still struggling to process it herself?
Rosie put the phone on speaker in her lap and went to sip her coffee, but Lori answered before the first ring was complete.
“Rosie? What’s happening? Where are you? Are you with your mom?”
“Mom’s dead.” Rosie took a drink in the moments of silence that followed.
“Oh, Rosie, I’m so sorry.”
Shay glanced away at the repetition of her exact words. Even coming from Rosie’s best friend, they sounded just as hollow and useless. Death had a nasty habit of stealing people’s ability to comfort their loved ones, rendering them mute but for the one pedestrian phrase.
Rosie retold the story from Keith and the doctor almost verbatim, and she stared beyond Shay, her eyes distant and empty.
“Keith’s disappeared. I have to go to the hospital to identify the body.”
“You’re going to Mexico?” Lori asked.
Rosie nodded. “I’ll get a flight today.” She shrugged. “I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. The hospital said they’d email details of a local funeral home they use. There are permits I need to bring her remains home.”
Shay frowned. She had no idea how it worked when a US civilian died in another country, but she’d expected Rosie to want to bring her mom’s body home, not just her ashes. She checked herself. Rosie had a different history with her mom than Shay and her momma had, and different cultural traditions too. From the little Rosie had told Shay about their relationship, she could see why Rosie wouldn’t want to celebrate that life. Her own momma’s funeral had been attended by almost the whole town, though Shayhad been unable to sing or dance. She’d spent the entire time numb and cold despite the near-hundred-degree heat. “When You Hear of My Homegoing” hadn’t lifted Shay’s spirits or allowed her to be okay with the Lord calling her mommahome. Her momma wasn’t just another soldier going home to be with the Lord; she was Shay’s momma, being dragged away before her time. She couldn’t havewantedto go. Heavenwasn’thome.
She drew in a long, deep breath through her mouth until she could pull in no more air, then she exhaled slowly and quietly. If she was doing that, maybe she could stave away the rising tide of her own grief that lurked, ready to wash her away. Six years and she was no closer to healing than she had been when she saw her momma in the open casket and finally accepted she was really dead. None of this was about her. She had to concentrate on being Rosie’s friend, on being there for her when she needed her the most, and she had to park her own painful past.
She tuned back into the conversation to hear Lori saying something about wearing a gas mask, but Shay had totally missed the rest.
“It’s okay, Lori,” Rosie said. “I’m not asking you to go, and you can’t risk spreading COVID or making yourself sicker.”
“What if you waited a couple of days?” Lori asked. “I’m sure I wouldn’t test positive by then.”
“No. I can’t. I have to get there as soon as possible. I need it done.”
“Is Shay with you?”
Rosie flicked her gaze up as if to ask for permission, and Shay nodded. “Yeah. She got here last night.”
“Oh… That’s good. I’m glad you’re not alone. Could Shay fly with you?” Lori asked. “Gabe’s here. They could chat now about her not being at the garage for a few days.”
