And there was the gear shift from aggressor to victim. This was where Cassie was most at risk of veering from her course of action and letting her mom off the hook. She readied herself by imagining her blood turning to ice, making herself unable to feel or be affected by her mom’s performance. That’s all this was: a performance designed to keep her mom’s world exactly as she wanted it and those in it under her power.She’s toxic, and I want to be free.
“I’m not here to find fault, Mom.” Cassie drew in a deep, empowering breath. “I’m here to say goodbye.” The last sentence was like releasing the valve on a balloon and all the negativity whooshed from her body, taking with it her last chance to pull back and simply maintain the status quo. She pressed her feet into the ground, tried to feel her toes against the earth and find her strength to keep going. She could do this.
“What are you talking about?” Her mom flicked her cigarette butt into the gravel. “You just got here. Are you drunk?”
Cassie pinched the bridge of her nose, her mom’s question triggering a sharp stab of pain in her head. “No, Mother, I’m not drunk. I’m completely lucid, and I’ve developed a clarity I never thought I’d achieve.”
Her mom lit another cigarette. She took a long draw before blowing the smoke toward Cassie, who wafted it away and managed not to cough.
“Seriously, girl. Don’t come knocking on my door with your fancy words, as if you’re somehow better than me.” She wagged her finger in Cassie’s face. “You’re not.”
Her mom leaned close enough that the repugnant mixture of nicotine, whiskey, and gum disease invaded Cassie’s nostrils. She exhaled in an attempt to clear the stench but didn’t move back. She couldn’t let her mom think she was backing down.
“You’re still a white trash kid from the wrong side of the tracks who got a poor kid’s scholarship, and your fancy doctor friends never forget it. Neither should you.” She motioned toward Cassie’s car. “Maybe you should leave.”
Her mom’s words hit their intended target, and Cassie’s resolve wavered. Her heart chilled in her chest and vibrated against her ribs, spreading a sense of unease and instability through her entire body. Collegehadbeen difficult, and other students hadn’t let her forget her roots for a second. She carried that with her, just like she carried the rest of her past.
But that all changed once she’d proved her mettle at Spring Willow Memorial Hospital, and no one gave a rat’s ass where she’d come from anymore. She was a respected and accomplished doctor, and her mother couldn’t tear that down with her words, not if Cassie didn’t allow it. “I will leave.” She rubbed Buster’s head, as if doing so might infuse her with the steel she needed to see this through. “But I need you to know that this is the last time you’ll see me, Mom. I’m done. I’m done with pandering to your narcissistic personality. I’m done with enabling your dysfunctional behavior, and I’m through with giving you everything you ask for just because of my guilt for things that were never my fault to begin with. I’m done being your punching bag.”
Cassie’s heart continued to pulse hard, but the breath she pulled in tasted like the fresh, clean air at the center of a huge forest. It coursed around her system like it was the first breath of her new life, a life free of her mom.
Buster snuffled her hand, and his cold, wet nose nudged her back into the moment. Her mom stared at her, open-mouthed and astonished.
“Goodbye, Mom.” Cassie moved to leave, but her mom grabbed her wrist roughly.
“You think it’s that easy?” She snarled, curling her lip. “You think you get to just walk away from me?” She cackled. “You don’t. I gave you life, girl. I gave youmylife. I gave you everything you ever needed and then some. Youoweme. You haven’t even begun to pay me back.”
Cassie calmly used her other hand to pry open her mother’s grip and pulled herself free, literally and metaphorically. Everything her mom had just said, Cassie had needed to hear, if only to reinforce that she was doing the right thing. “This is over, Mom. I’ve given you more than I ever should have, and I’ve let you negatively impact my life for way too long.” She began to walk away. “Don’t ever contact me again. You’re on your own.”
“Youshouldfeel guilty,” her mom yelled after her as Cassie strode up the yard, not looking back. “It should’ve been you who died. I should’ve given you up to the state and been done with you when you were a kid. Before you could turn on me like this. You ungrateful bitch.”
She closed her eyes and squeezed them tight. Her mom wasn’t worth expending the emotion; she’d shed enough tears for her to last a lifetime. She pulled the gate shut, and Buster jumped up, his paws landing on top of her hands. She opened her eyes and met the dog’s soft, unassuming gaze. She saw the gentle pleading, deep in his soul.
Cassie yanked open the gate, and Buster dove through the small opening. But he didn’t run for freedom; instead, he parked his butt beside the passenger door of Cassie’s car and simply waited.
“Oh, that’s just typical,” her mom shouted. “Go ahead. Take the damn dog. That’ll be one less thing to drain my wallet.”
Cassie unlocked her car and opened the door for Buster. He jumped up onto the seat and immediately sat on his haunches, looking out the windshield as if he could already see his new life. She smiled a little at the way his ginormous head touched the roof, then she closed the door. She walked around to the driver’s side and allowed herself one final look at her old life.
Her mom glared at her, and Cassie met the rage that radiated toward her with a complete sense of dispassion and distance. She didn’t know whether it was a temporary or permanent state of being, but she was more than happy to take it on right now. She got into her seat, clicked the button to bring the top down so that Buster could have even more freedom, and she reversed out of the driveway.
Her hands trembled on the steering wheel, likely from the monumental effort it had taken to maintain her course. It wasn’t that she’d felt sorry for her mom; it was more the obligation and responsibility that tugged at her core, screaming at her not to sever her sole remaining family tie. She recalled Taryn’s philosophy on families and her consternation at the general inability of most people to make the decision to separate, the decision to put their well-being above that of their families.
As she drove away with a dog in the passenger seat that she had no idea what she was going to do with, she focused on the ties she had to cut with Taryn. And while they hadn’t had long to form them, Cassie had a feeling they would be no less painful to sunder.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Taryn shoveled the last spoonful of the Cold Stone Creamery sundae into her mouth and closed her eyes. “I would’ve crawled over broken glass for that. Thanks, buddy.”
Andi laughed as she took the container from Taryn’s tray and tossed it in the trash. “Lucky for you I just had to put up with a hellish twelve-mile round trip instead.”
Taryn nodded to the discarded ice cream cup. “You should probably take that away with you. There are a couple of mean ass nurses in here, and I’ve got a feeling they don’t appreciate the restorative value of Cake Batter Batter Batter.”
“Ha. So good, they named it three times. I’ll destroy the evidence for you.” Andi retrieved the carton and wrapped it in a plastic bag. “So you’ve got Nurse Ratched, but doesn’t Dr. Cassie far outweigh that negative?”
Taryn grumbled and ran her hand through her hair, which she’d noticed looked pretty frightful. The first thing she’d do when she got out of here would be to visit the barber.
Andi narrowed her eyes. “Trouble in paradise?”
