Chapter Twenty-Five
Three days of double shifts followed the multiple rider crash at the stunt show. In that time, Cassie had patched up two gunshots and three knife wounds, saved a woman from an accidental overdose, and treated a man with serious burns in an unfortunate place after sex play with a beeswax candle.
“Everyone knows you should use soy wax—or paraffin if you want the sting—but beeswax is a stupid choice.” Rachel shook her head disapprovingly.
Cassie hadn’t yet asked where Rachel’s surprisingly in-depth knowledge of wax play had come from, but no doubt when they next went to the club, Rachel would regale her with an inevitably sordid yet equally sexy tale.
What Cassie hadn’t done was spend any time by Taryn’s bedside. She’d dropped in at the beginning of her shift a couple of times, but work had prevented them from spending any quality time together. That’s what Cassie was telling Taryn anyway—it was the work keeping them apart. Really, Cassie simply couldn’t handle being so close to her without resuming where they’d left off. But she’d made her decision. She had to break things off, but she didn’t want to do it while Taryn was relatively fragile in her recovery. Once she was out of the hospital, Cassie would initiate the difficult discussion, and then she could get on with her life as before.
Though she wasn’t going back to life exactly as before. Breaking things off with Taryn wasn’t the only choice she’d made over the past few days. She’d also decided it was time to cut her mom from her life. She’d found a snippet of time to have a conversation with her therapist, mainly just to touch base. But it had precipitated her parental ruminations, as if her life had been plunged into darkness, and her path forward was now illuminated in neon green. Green for go, be free of the negative impact of her mom.
Cassie pulled into her mom’s drive but left her car on the other side of the gate. Despite her sudden burst of courage, she might still need a quick getaway. Buster loped up to the gate as she closed it and almost knocked her over when he reared up and put his massive paws on her chest. Her back pressed against the metal and its heat seared through her blouse. She jumped forward, and Buster bounced around, thinking she was in full-on play mode. Cassie looked around and saw a chewed-up football. Buster glanced in the same direction before he leapt on it and sank his teeth into it. He thrust it toward her but wouldn’t give it up when Cassie tried to grab it.
“You never were any good at sports.”
Cassie looked up at the sound of her mother’s voice. “Oh, I don’t know. I fielded your shit pretty good when I was a kid.”
Her mom’s mouth dropped open, and her cigarette dropped to the floor. “What the fuck? Look what you made me do.”
Cassie used the distraction to snatch the ball from Buster’s mouth. “I didn’t make you do anything, Mom.” She hurled the ball down the yard, half imagining she was tossing it to a sexy butch quarterback for the winning touchdown. An image of Taryn’s face pushed into her mind, and she flicked it away. One thing at a time.
Buster was back at her feet within seconds, a loopy grin on his face, if indeed dogs could smile. She rubbed his head and made her way toward her mom, who was in her trademark uniform of soiled PJs and dirty gray slippers that Cassie imagined were once pink.
“Well, aren’t you full of piss and vinegar today?” Her mom stooped to retrieve her fallen cigarette and dusted it off before taking a long drag. She blew the smoke in Cassie’s face as she got closer.
“No Fred?” Cassie asked, noting the absence of the car she still wasn’t convinced her mom had purchased with the money Cassie had sent.
Her mom waved the question away. “You just missed him. The deadbeat left about twenty minutes ago, and yes, he took my car with him before you ask.”
Cassie tried not to falter. She could do this. She’d practiced standing up to her mom hundreds of times in her dreams. But with Fred gone, her mom was already a wounded animal. Alone.That isn’t my problem anymore.She shrugged and ruffled the folds of flesh around Buster’s too-tight collar. “I wasn’t going to ask.” Because she was training herself not to care. If she could just button up her heart tight enough for her mom’s barbs not to pierce it, she might make it through this final meeting.
“Two visits in three weeks.” She mock-curtsied. “What have I done to deserve this?”
The way she said it made it sound like punishment rather than a treat.Wrap the armor tight.
“I could do with a new car.” Her mom gestured toward Cassie’s sports car. “You don’t have to buy anything as fancy as that, obviously. It’s a bit desperate anyway, that thing. Like you’re filling in the hole that a man should occupy.” She chuckled lightly at her own crude joke.
“I don’t think so.” Cassie unbuckled Buster’s collar and saw a small box attached to it. “What’s this?”
Her mom looked at her and then the collar and sneered. “It keeps him in line.” She tried to take it from Cassie, but she pulled it away. “What’s gotten into you today?”
Cassie took the time to look into her mom’s eyes, to really look. For the first time, she saw a hint of a scared little girl, and she had to take a step back.Stay strong. She had to remember her mom was the queen of manipulation. She’d use whatever tool worked as long as she got the result she wanted. “You’re electrocuting Buster?”
Her mom’s resulting frown lines seemed deeper than ever. They aged her in a way Cassie hadn’t noticed before. It was like she’d thrown away the black-tinted glasses she’d always viewed her mom through, and now she could really see her, see her flaws and her vulnerabilities. She suddenly didn’t seem as gargantuanly scary as she had for all of Cassie’s life.
She liked it.
She looked down at the collar in her hand and tightened her grip to stop the slight shake. She’d read all the books, her therapist had given her all the tools, and she’d practiced this moment over and over.Allshe had to do was remember why she needed to do this. Her mom was—and always had been—toxic, and Cassie deserved to be free of her. Forever.
Her mom snatched at the collar again, and Cassie tossed it as far as she could into the yard. Granted, that wasn’t very far, but it was symbolic. Buster somehow recognized the gesture because he watched it but stayed put, clearly happy to be rid of the torturous contraption.
“Since when do you care how I disciplinemydog?” Her mom dragged her gaze back from the patch of dust-brown grass where Buster’s collar landed. “And more than that, where do you get off thinking you can come here andtellme how to look after my dog?”
Cassie rolled her eyes. “If you actually looked after Buster, I wouldn’t have to tell you, would I?” She gestured wildly toward the single-lane road beyond her mom’s gate. “When was the last time you took him for a walk?” She pulled her arm back and pressed her palm to her leg, grounding herself and regaining control. She had to stay calm and relaxed if she was going to make it through this altercationandachieve the outcome she needed.
Her mom opened and closed her mouth a few times, but nothing acidic emerged. In fact, nothing at all emerged. She’d rendered her mom speechless, at least for a moment, which was longer than ever before.
“Have you come here just to find faults in my pitiful life?” her mom finally asked, though it lacked the vigor of her usual acerbic tone. “Perfect timing to rub it in—just after Fred has left, and I’m all alone.”
