She smiled. “Then you still care for me, as I care for you?”
“More than that,” he answered, fervently. “I love you, Susanna. I cannot do anything but love you, it seems.”
Her eyes closed, and for a moment, Jonathan thought tears might soon follow. But then, they opened, and then came the most beautiful, brilliant smile he had ever seen. His heart poured open with love for her, a stream of regret and foolishness still pushing through it. Why had he ever turned away from her? Why had he not pursued the truth, as he intended to now?
“Then will you let me come alongside you in this?” she asked, reaching out her other hand and settling it on theirjoined ones. “Will you let me work with you to find out who sent that letter and what their purpose behind it was?”
Jonathan nodded. “Yes, but that is not the first thing I wish to do.”
Her eyebrows lifted. “Oh?”
“I want to ask your father if I might court you.”
Her swift catch of breath sent a thrill up his spine as he smiled at her astonishment.
“There is no need to delay, is there?” he asked, as she blinked furiously. “Indeed, I do not think that I can hold back from this any longer, Susanna!”
“But – but if you do such a thing, then would not more rumors begin to surface?” she asked, her smile no longer present. “I am afraid that whoever sent that first letter to you might do something more once they realize that you have abandoned their warnings.”
Frowning, Jonathan rubbed one hand over his chin. “That is a consideration, certainly, but Susanna, I do not want to step back from this – from you.”
“Then do not.” The smile returned as she moved another step closer to him, her breath brushing warmth across his cheek. “We have stolen many moments before, have we not? Could we not do so again, just until we uncover everything?”
Desire burned hot in his chest, and he swallowed thickly, unable to respond for a few moments. Lady Susanna’s cheeks turned pink, and she darted her gaze away, though her smile lingered. Yes, he supposed, he could continue as they had before, but it was not what he wanted. When he had this second chance with her, when there was the opportunity for them to grasp the happiness they had already missed on one occasion already, dare he delay?
His eyes closed, and he let out a heavysigh. “I can see the wisdom in your thinking, Susanna.” Looking at her again, he let out a second sigh, his heart twisting. “But I do not much like it. After all the distance and trouble I have placed between us, I want nothing more now than to be able to reconcile, to show the world that I have made my choice – and to tell them all of your generous and forgiving spirit.”
There was such a gentle sweetness in her expression, Jonathan almost caught her up in his arms right there and then, wanting to pull her tight against him so that he could feel her nearness, could reassure himself that all she had said was true – and that this was not some dream he was having. The scent of old paper and leather surrounded them, and the golden light from the shop windows painted her features with a warmth that made his chest ache. Instead, he could only bring her hand to his lips and, brushing a kiss on the back of her hand, felt her tremble lightly. Her fingers curled around his for a brief, fierce moment, and in that small pressure, he felt everything she could not say aloud — the months of silence, the longing, the forgiveness that was still fragile and new.
“We found moments before, did we not?” she whispered, blushing as he smiled knowingly at her. “I am sure we will be able to do so again.”
“But only for a time,” he stated firmly. “This time, I will not step away from you. I will not be without you for long. I cannot bear it, Susanna.”
“Nor I,” she responded, just as the door to the shop opened and a loud voice filled the room – a voice that snapped demands this way and that. Jonathan stepped back quickly, his hand falling back to his side and his heart crying a warning.
“It sounds as if Lady Walton has arrived,” Lady Susanna whispered, her eyes twinkling. “If she were to spy us, thengossip would be all around London before we even left this bookshop!”
“Then I shall reluctantly take my leave,” Jonathan replied, putting one hand to his heart as a gesture of just how much he cared for the lady and did not want to step away. “I will speak with you again very soon, so we might, together, find a way forward.”
She nodded, smiled, and then turned away, her lady’s maid scurrying after her. Jonathan, struggling to will himself to walk away, watched her for as long as he could before walking in the opposite direction towards the door of the bookshop. His expression was neutral, nodding at one or two of the other patrons as he passed, whilst, inwardly, his heart was leaping about in a furious manner that filled his whole being with a newfound sense of joy. It was a feeling that poured into him like water, spreading over his skin, over his soul, and warming him through.
Susanna did not forget me.
The relief of that was a strength to his frame, giving him purpose as he strode back towards his carriage.
Even though I severely injured her, she still loved me.
That gave him pause, his heart still overwhelmed with happiness, but the realization of just how much agony she had forgiven him for striking at it all the same. Yes, she had still confessed her love for him, but that did not mean that the trouble he had caused her had not been severe. He had rejected her, had turned his back on her, had ignored her, and pretended she was of no importance to him – just as her mother and father did. The realization of that made him wince, and he stopped walking immediately, dropping his head to pull off his hat and then rubbing one hand over his forehead.
“Lord Lancashire? Are youquite all right?”
Forcing a smile, Jonathan nodded quickly and placed his hat back on his head. “Lady Theresa, Lady Evelina. Good afternoon. Yes, in answer to your question, Lady Theresa, I am quite all right. The sun is just a little hot this afternoon, is it not?” Hoping this explanation would satisfy them both, he kept his smile fixed just as the two ladies glanced at each other and then smiled back at him.
“It is, yes. You might join us at Gunters for an ice?” Lady Evelina, who was not often very encouraging in her welcome, tilted her head and let her green eyes search his. “That way, I am certain you will feel a good deal better.”
“You are very kind, but –”
“Oh, please do join us!” Lady Theresa put one hand on his arm in what Jonathan considered to be very bold indeed, his eyebrows lifting. “Otherwise, I shall have only Evelina’s conversation, and I think we have talked about nearly everything in the world already!” She giggled at this, and whilst Jonathan could not help but smile, his determination to stay away from both young ladies remained steady.
