“I do not know what came over me.”
“I am thrilled to hear of your determination!” Ellen beamed at Susanna as they began to meander along the path, Lady Kilthorn a few steps behind them. “That is wonderful indeed.”
Susanna’s lips thinned. “It did not feel wonderful.”
“But you have the truth from him, do you not? That is a relief, I am sure.”
Considering this, Susanna took a few seconds to answer. “In a way, it is, yes.” Seeing Ellen’s lifted eyebrows, she tried to find the right words to explain. “To hear from him his reasons as to why he stepped away certainly did bring me some clarity, but at the same time, made me realize that he could not have truly felt all that he said to me. If he had been in love with me as he promised, then his heart could not have been so cruel, I am sure.”
Ellen nodded slowly. “I suppose that is a consideration, certainly. Although if I might offer another perspective, then I would suggest that being in love with you might have been the very reason for such a response.”
Susanna frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I am not suggesting for a moment that what he did was right,” Ellen said, hastily. “Do not think that I am in any sort of agreement about that! But I do think that if his heart was so very devoted to you, it would have been too great a pain for him to come and speak with you directly, telling you that the ending of your connection was now the only path he could follow.” Her brow furrowed. “His coldness towards you might now be an indication that he still does care for you, Susanna.”
With a roll of her eyes, Susanna let out a low snort. “I hardly think that can be true.”
“It could be,” Ellen insisted. “It mightcome from a somewhat selfish desire to save himself any pain. If he is distant with you, then it might be that he desires to protect himself. Recall, from what he said, his concern was about your father, not about you.”
“Which makes it all the more painful,” Susanna answered, with a sigh. “No, I think I must believe that he did not care for me as much as he stated. It is the only way that my heart can understand it.” She bit her lip. “I think I must find out what has been said about my father that caused him so much distress, however. That is concerning.”
Ellen grimaced. “Can a young lady truly know about such things? Would any father willingly tell their daughter about their present financial standing?”
“I highly doubt it,” Susanna answered, truthfully, “but I think I must find out regardless – even if I am entirely unsure as to how to go about it!” She glanced at Ellen, who still did not look convinced. “If this is to have a bearing not only on my own future but also on Maude’s future, then am I not right to pursue it? I could go to my father and ask him directly, just to see what he will say.”
“Your father, the Duke.” Ellen’s tone was flat. “He will be irritated with you, Susanna. He will tell you that such a thing is nonsense and you have no need for any concern. That is all he will say, I can assure you of that.”
“I have no doubt that you are right,” Susanna answered, with a wry smile. “But all the same, I cannot simply accept Lord Lancashire’s statement about my father’s financial standing and do nothing about it, especially if he received a warning from another gentleman about my father! That is concerning indeed.”
“Did he tell you which gentleman it was?”
Susanna hesitated, then frowned. “No, he did not.”
“Is there any reason as to why he should keep that to himself?”
“Not that I can see,” Susanna replied, the fierce determination she had experienced the day before beginning to flood her again. “Now that you have brought it to my attention, Ellen, I confess that I find that silence most peculiar.” She glanced at her friend, then smiled tightly. “I think I have every right to find out who wrote to Lord Lancashire about my father. Do you not think so?”
Ellen smiled back at her, an enthusiasm in her voice. “I most certainly do,” she responded, eyes bright. “I must say, I think this newfound strength within you is quite marvelous, Susanna. It has already pushed you to speak firmly with Lord Lancashire, which is precisely what he deserves! And now it is time to progress towards finding out the truth of the matter! You do know that I shall be alongside you in all of this.” She glanced over her shoulder to where her aunt walked, a few steps behind them. “And if I ask my aunt, I can assure you that she will be very eager indeed to assist you also.”
Considering, Susanna shook her head no. “Not for the moment, I think. We shall keep it just you and me for the time being, but if there comes a time when Lady Kilthorn might be required, I am more than willing to tell her all of what we have learned.”
Ellen nodded. “A wise decision,” she said, as they turned their feet towards the other gathered members of the ton – a number which was increasing with every minute that passed. “So, you say you are to speak with Lord Lancashire about this warning he received. When do you intend to do it?”
Susanna took in a deep breath, swallowing the nervousness that instantly threatened to washover her. “Now?”
With a chuckle, Ellen took Susanna’s arm. “I would be delighted to come alongside you and join you in this conversation,” she said, helping Susanna’s heart to slow its sudden, frantic pace just a little. “You need not be anxious that I will say anything, however. I can assure you, I shall not open my mouth unless you wish it.”
“I thank you.” Susanna looked all through the crowd, catching sight of her own mother and sister – neither of whom even smiled when they saw her standing near. The Duchess had been very glad indeed to push Susanna towards Lady Kilthorn again, especially since Maude now had five specific gentlemen callers that she was considering. “We shall have to find him first, however. I do hope he is here.”
“As do I,” Ellen replied. “Come, then, let us walk all through Hyde Park until we find him.”
With a nod but with tension climbing up her throat, Susanna let Ellen lead her wherever she wished to go, knowing that Lady Kilthorn would be following after them regardless. Her stomach lurched this way and that, making her throat close up, and her heart beat with a sudden fury as she thought about what she would say to Lord Lancashire once she had found him. Would he be willing to listen to her? To answer her? Or would he refuse to give her any more of his time, since their connection was now so very clearly at an end?
“Lord Lancashire.” Susanna drew herself up as the gentleman turned, seeing his blue eyes widen. “I was hoping that you might be able to answer a question I have.”
Lord Lancashire, who had been in the midst of a conversation with three other gentlemen and two ladies, cleared his throat gruffly. “Lady Susanna, I think –”
“I must know who it is that spoke to you of their… concerns,” she said, hoping that he would understand what she meant. In such a vast crowd, she did not dare speak any louder or with any more clarity for fear that others would overhear them. “You did not tell me yesterday.”
