Ellen looked away, suddenly very interested in a swan gliding across the Serpentine. “I am sure I do not know what you mean.”
“Lord Kettering,” Susanna said, gently.
The flush deepened from pink to scarlet. Ellen opened her mouth, closed it, and then let out a breath that was halfway between a laugh and a sigh. “You are very observant for a lady in the midst of heartbreak.”
“So I am right.” Susanna squeezed her friend’s arm. “You have noticed him.”
“I would have to be made of stone not to notice him,” Ellen admitted, her voice dropping to something almost wistful. “He is kind, Susanna. Genuinely kind — not in the way that gentlemen are kind when they want something, but in the way that speaks of habit and character. He remembered my aunt’s name after being introduced to heronly once. He asked after her health.”She paused, and something wistful crossed her expression. “But I am not foolish enough to think that kindness to a lady’s aunt is the same as interest in the lady herself.”
“Why should it not be?”
Ellen’s smile turned rueful. “Because I am the niece of a baroness with modest connections and a comfortable but hardly impressive income. Lord Kettering is the son of an earl, Susanna. He could have any woman in London — and most of them come with far grander names and far larger dowries than mine.” She smoothed a crease in her glove, the only sign of agitation she permitted herself. “I am not in the habit of wanting things I cannot have. I have seen what that does — to your heart, to your confidence, to your peace of mind. I would rather admire him from a sensible distance than make myself vulnerable to that kind of disappointment.”
There was something in her voice — not bitterness, exactly, but a practiced acceptance — that made Susanna ache for her. Ellen, who was so quick to champion everyone else’s happiness, had quietly resigned herself to the idea that her own was unlikely.
“I think you underestimate yourself,” Susanna said softly. “And I think you underestimate Lord Kettering.”
Ellen shook her head, but she was smiling — really smiling, now, with a warmth that reached her eyes. “Perhaps. But let us attend to your heartbreak before we begin manufacturing one of my own, shall we?”
Susanna smiled at the deflection — recognized it for what it was — but said nothing more. There would be time. And she made a silent promise to herself that when the time came, she would champion Ellen’s happiness with the same fierce loyalty that Ellen had shown her.
There was a freedom in having shared all that she felt,she realized — a heaviness lifting from her chest that she had not known was there until it was gone. Finally, after over a year of confusion and sorrow, she was no longer alone in this. Perhaps this Season might bring her some happiness after all.
5
Jonathan scowled. “I do not want to discuss my reasons, my friend.”
“Very well.” Lord Kettering sighed. “I do not think you happy, however. You are not yourself. In fact, you have not been yourself since this time last year!”
Grimacing, Jonathan looked away. “I am quite well, I assure you.”
“Except you are not.” Lord Kettering meandered through Lord Whittaker’s drawing room, Jonathan beside him. “I wish that you would tell me what the trouble was. It was clear to me that something had upset you, given the way you abruptly left London without so much as a word. I hoped that this Season, you would find yourself recovered from whatever it was. You have not, however.”
Jonathan pushed one hand through his hair. “Can we not simply enjoy this soiree?”
“I am sure you could, but since you will not dance with any young lady, show no interest in their company, and seem to be ill-tempered most of the time, I must say I am doubtful that you will find any happiness whatsoever!”
A weight pulled down at his forehead, his eyebrows low. “I do not mean to be.”
“And yet, you are.”
The urge to tell Lord Kettering everything grew like a fire in Jonathan’s chest. He had not shared anything with his friend as yet about what had taken place between himself and Lady Susanna. At the same time, however, he resisted the desire to tell him everything. It had been months since he had last been in Lady Susanna’s company and since he had made the decision to step away from her, his heart had been well and truly broken. But still, he had kept all of that pain and sorrow to himself. It had eaten away at him, he had to admit. If his friend was noticing the darkness of his spirit, then perhaps his pain was biting more than he had realized.
“I thought I was in love last Season,” he said, trying to speak as practically and as unemotionally as possible. “I unfortunately learned shortly afterwards that all was not as it seemed when it came to the lady.”
Lord Kettering’s eyes rounded as he looked at Jonathan. “You thought you were in love?”
“Yes,” Jonathan said nothing more than that, reaching for a glass of brandy from the table to his right. “I would not like to discuss it further.”
“I would.”
Jonathan rolled his eyes. “Kettering, the only reason I have told you about this is because you persistently asked me. Please, do not ask me anything more.”
“But of course I must!” His friend grinned at him and then put one hand on Jonathan’s shoulder. “I am not trying to make fun of you, however.” His smile faded. “I do not think that you are in any way foolish for finding yourself in such a situation. I am only sorry to hear that you have been forced to turn yourback on it all.”
Throwing back his brandy, Jonathan set the glass down. “As am I.”
“Who is it?”
