I can hear the tinge of hurt in his words. Aidan and I grew up together, went through everything together, and then this huge thing in my life was happening, and I didn’t go to him for support. Aside from Shelley, Aidan is my best friend. He’s my closest confidante and support, really. He knows me on a level thatnobody outside of my family could understand. I feel like a piece of shit for hurting him by not including him.
“I didn’t want to impose, Aidan. You’ve been dealing with such a lot. I just didn’t want to—”
“If you say the word ‘burden’, I swear I will slap you silly. I don’t care if it is Christmas!” We smile at each other before laughter erupts.
“I actually read Nancy’s file from foster care, and there was something I was hoping you could help her with?”
“Anything, you know that,” he says emphatically.
“She has some mild attachment disorders that leave her anxious, and when she’s anxious, she either stops speaking or tries to hide by covering her eyes. I don’t mean for you to talk to her about your anxiety or anything, obviously, but…” I pause, hoping I’m not asking too much of him, and knowing in the same breath that I’m not. “I need you. I just… need you to be her uncle. And be a safe space for her. Is that OK?” Aidan’s brow furrows, and his response is exactly as I anticipated.
Aidan wraps his calloused hand around my neck and pulls my forehead to his. “I will behere every step of the way, Nash. Every. Single. Step. For you, and for Nancy. She’s family now.” I pull away, and we do some very masculine back slapping and clearing of throats as we try to pull ourselves together.
I can’t help but glance over at where Corey and Rain are huddled together on the love seat. He catches my eye and smiles wide, something decidedly like pride on his face.
I take a deep breath and sigh. I’m not sure I can be just friends with this man. But I want to try. If nothing else, I want to have his sunshine and optimism in my life, and I want to be a support for him in whatever way he’ll let me. And then maybe in the future…
I’m so fucked.
It doesn’t take long for the chatter to gain momentum as everyone starts making excited plans for Nancy’s arrival.
“Oh shit!” I exclaim, making everyone jump and turn to look at me. “I hope nobody has plans for next week. I’m going to need some help decorating her room. And I have a shitload of flat-pack furniture that needs building.”
I look over at my parents and my brothers, panic no doubt painted on my face. “Help!” I let out a highly undignified squeak thatis entirely out of character, and blink wildly as my family all laugh affectionately at me.
I know why they’re laughing – because I didn’t even need to ask. They’ll all be with me, every step of the way, just like Aidan said. And maybe, just maybe, Corey will be there to take a few steps with me, too.
If I can fix what I broke the other day, that is.
***
I wake up on Boxing Day, my head only mildly foggy from the few drinks I had yesterday and the lack of sleep from excitement and anticipation. Today’s the day I’m going to meet my daughter. Jesus Christ. This day feels like it’s been a long time coming.
I get up, shower, and go through the motions of making toast and scraping it with butter and Marmite. My brothers and sister all tell me I’m disgusting for enjoying the savoury topping, but they will all eat their words when their teeth fall out from all the sugar in their far-too-sweet Nutella and blackcurrant jam.
The thought occurs to me that Nancy will likely prefer sweet things right now, given her young age, and I make a note on my magnetic shopping list that I have stuck to the front of thefridge, to get a selection of options when I go to the supermarket. I add a variety of different cereals as well, since I don’t yet know what she’ll like.
My list of things to do seems to be getting longer and longer. Yesterday, my family were all keen to help however they could, so I text the family group chat and ask for everyone to come over tomorrow to help me get the house ready.
Archer: We’ll be there. Cole and I call flat-pack furniture assembly.
Cole: Yes! I’ll bring my massive tool (box).
Wren: FFS Cole
Me: Can we refrain from sexual innuendo jokes around my daughter’s possessions please? Thank you very much.
Cole: Eww. OK yeah, fair. We’ll get the bedroom furniture all put together.
Mum: I don’t understand where I dragged you lot up from sometimes, I really don’t.
Dad: You did a fabulous job, darling. They didn’t become feral animals until after they moved out.
Mum: (heart emoji) Nash, I’ll sort out bed linens and get some clothes and stuff. Can you text me later with what size she’s wearing?Kids are all so different, the age ranges on clothes don’t really help. The foster parents should be able to tell you.
Mum: Oh! And her shoe size darling, please.
Me: Will do, thanks Mum. And thanks guys too, I appreciate it.
