“What?” I demand, voice a little harsher than I intended.
“I just thought you’d been divorced for a while. Rain mentioned… Never mind. Or is it not with your ex-wife? Shit, sorry that’s none of my business. I mean, it’s great news.”
I sit in stunned silence for a moment, and then I snort out a laugh.
“Are you laughing at me?” He’s scooted back again, putting more space between us. I noticed when he did it before, and I didn’t like it. I like it even less now.
“No, little rabbit,” I tease, closing the distance between us again so I can nudge his shoulder with mine. “You’ve just gone all wide-eyed and shocked again. I’m not having a baby with anyone.”
“But you said—”
“Is having a baby the only way to become a parent? Especially as a single man who could just as easily be in a relationship with a man as he could a woman?”
Corey jerks in surprise, whether at the realisation I’m bisexual, or the realisation of what I’m actually saying.
“Are you bi?”
“Yeah… why?”
“No, I just… I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all. I mean, you mentioned your ex-wife, so I assumed. I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologise. Shelley and I werebest friends growing up. She was the first person I told I was bisexual, actually. We even had a crush on the same guy once.” I don’t tell him the rest of that story; he doesn’t need to know how insular rural villages can be. “But then, when we got together, I just never told anyone. I wasn’t hiding it, but I had a girlfriend, and then a wife, and then after we split up, I was focused on becoming a dad.”
“Ah, so… Are you adopting?” he asks, his voice loud and high-pitched enough to startle a few of the seals back into the water in a panic. He grimaces. “Oops. Shall we go somewhere else to chat? I don’t want to be responsible for scaring off all the local wildlife.”
I chuckle.
“Sure. Come back to mine for a cuppa?”
He nods in agreement, and we pack up the blankets in silence, shaking the worst of the sand off before placing them inside the bin bag I brought with me to prevent taking half the beach back home with me in my backpack.
We walk to the truck in silence, and when we climb back inside, he turns to me and places his gloved hand on my arm.
“I’m sorry, Nash. You were trying to tell me something important, and I went all weird.”
“That’s OK,” I say, even though I have no idea what his reaction was about. “Yes, I’m adopting. I’ve been working on it for about a year and a half, and I’ve finally been approved.”
He smiles sweetly, his eyes soft.
“That’s incredible, Nash. Does your family know? Aidan and Rain haven’t mentioned anything.”
Guilt twinges in my gut, and I swallow back the now-familiar acid taste of it.
“No. I mean, Mum and Dad do, and so does Wren. I had to prove I had a strong support system, and they all had to be vetted, but my brothers don’t know yet. They think they were vetted for a research project I’m doing.”
“How come? You think they won’t approve or something?” His question is fair, and I’m not surprised that’s where his first thoughts go, especially given the hell he’s been through in his life.
“No, it’s not that,” I say, rubbing a hand down my face, then starting the engine and heading back in the direction of my house, the potholed lane requiring all my concentration and making it difficult to chat. Back on the main road, I continue.
“I just don’t want them to get their hopes up,” I say quietly, and even I can hear the shame lacing the concern in my tone.
“But you said you’ve been approved?”
“I have. But I didn’t want to tempt fate, you know? I couldn’t tell them I was going to be a dad – that they were going to be uncles – if it was all going to fall apart at the last hurdle. It’s different now that I’ve been approved, and I am planning on telling them, but…” I pause, realisation of how soon this is all happening hitting me all at once.
“But what?” he asks gently, his hand returning to my arm from where he’d retreated.
“The adoption agency has a matching panel meeting in a few weeks, just before Christmas, and that’s when I’ll hopefully get matched to the right child. Then it’s a really quick process of meeting them, helping with bedtime at their temporary home, then having them over to my house… It’s going to be quick, and I just didn’t want them to be all excited about it if something went wrong. They wouldn’t deal with it well.” Cole’s face pops into my mind immediately.
