“Do you want to move it back?” He sounded sincere but I doubted Alfie would let me move out now that he’d finally gotten me here.
“No, that’s silly. I’m sorry, I don’t know why this is bothering me so much.” I sat down cross-legged. There was a pair of old, scuffed converse on the top of the open box in front of me. A far cry from the Gucci loafers lining Alfie’s closet. “My things just don’t look right in your house.”
“Then we change the house.” He shrugged and sat opposite me, somehow managing to keep his towel in place. I gave him a look. “I’m serious. I want you to feel at home here. Maybe we can loosen a window handle or two so they fall off when you try to open them? Or I could have someone hammer a nail into one of the pipes so it leaks?”
“Hilarious.” I rolled my eyes, biting back a smile.
“I’m not done. I could have someone mess with the door hinges so they squeak? I wonder if there’s a way to fuck up the water pressure so it’s as bad as you’re used to…”
That did it. I launched myself at him, planting my mouth firmly on his. He pulled me sideways into his lap, kissing me deeply. My dour mood lifted with just the feel of his skin on mine. It might not feel right having my stuff in his house, but there was nothing righter than his arms around me.
“I mean it,” he said when we finally came up for air. “I want you to feel at home here. And if not here, pick a different home. I’ll follow you.”
“The house is beautiful, it’s just an adjustment. I’ve had a lot of adjustments over the last six months. I’m excited for what’s coming and missing what's gone.”
Alfie was quiet, brows knitted together in thought. “Keira?”
I laughed a little, shaking my head. “How do you do that?”
“I’m observant. And believe it or not, I do know you quite well by now. Her moving away was hard for you.”
“Yeah, I feel like I’ve lost an arm or something. For as long as I can remember we’ve been in each other's pockets. Talking at school everyday, sleepovers every weekend. We’ve shared everything together: our first periods, first bras, first kisses with a boy, first dates, first jobs. Now our lives are so far away from each other.”
“Keira has been your one constant, it makes sense that you’d feel destabilised by her absence.”
I gave him a curious look. “Those sessions with Priya really paid off, huh?”
“Yes. I’m now well versed in emotional literacy.”
“Spoken like a real life robot.”
He gave me a playful squeeze and we sat quietly for another moment.
“You can take my plane to see her anytime, you know that.” It was a deeply generous offer but I didn’t want to take advantage of him or cramp Keira’s new life. This was normal, I reminded myself, for friends to go their own separate pathways.
“I know.”
“But you won’t take me up on the offer?”
“I’m just not ready to treat your stuff like it’s my stuff yet.”
Alfie chuckled and kissed the top of my head. “Silly girl.”
In the gentle quiet, I let my fingers trace over the veins in his forearms, relishing the smoothness of his skin. His torso was a hard slab of muscle, yet it was comforting.
Still, the nagging voice at the back of my head whispered:remember what he did. Remember how he hurt you.I didn’t want to remember what he’d done anymore. I wanted to remember who he was now. It was a work day and I knew that Alfie had ten thousand things to do and yet here he was, sitting on the floor surrounded by my junk, trying his best to cheer me up. That’s the man I needed to focus on.
“Thank you,” I said.
“For what?”
“For making me feel better. I know you have other things to do today.”
“None of it’s more important than you.”
I turned my face up to be kissed. It was gentle, intimate and I wanted to exist in this moment forever, but the day was waiting. I broke away and tried to stand up but he shook his head and pulled me closer, his body moulding into mine in that way that made my skin heat all over. “Don’t go yet.”
I let out a sigh. I could fall asleep here, sitting on the floor surrounded by the remnants of a life slipping away.
