Macy nodded. “Yeah. But it’s worth it. You know that it is.”
* * *
Josh called on Monday just as he’d said he would. He asked how she was doing and if there was anything she needed from him.
You, she thought.I needyou, Josh. And I love you. I do…
She didn’t say it, though. Because he sounded so…far away. So kind and careful. Was it too late? Had she scared him off by pushing him away? If she had, well, how could she blame him for being distant and cautious with her?
Be brave, she reminded herself.Just open your mouth and say the words. Say, “I love you, Josh Bravo. Please give me one more chance to show you how much…”
But she wasn’t brave. She was a total chicken, and the moment never felt right.
Too soon, they were saying goodbye.
She hung up and then almost called him right back—but almost didn’t count. And the truth was, she couldn’t make herself hit that call button, not right then.
Instead, she spent until long after midnight that night wide-awake practicing what she would say to him when she finally worked up the nerve to tell him that she loved him with all of her heart—such as it was, all broken and battered.
At some point after two in the morning, she finally dropped off. And that meant that on Tuesday, she woke up tired and cranky. All day, she kept reminding herself notto take her exhaustion and fear of loving a certain man out on other people. She put on a smile and tried hard to adjust her attitude.
It was the first day of July. At the hotel, Annette had hired some burly guys from Sheridan to hang patriotic bunting on the facade and in the lobby. Macy’s mom—Betty of Betty’s Blooms—had gone all out on the Fourth of July floral arrangements. The giant antique vases in the lobby overflowed with red, white and blue flowers.
Everyone was talking about the upcoming celebration on Friday right there in town in Patriot Park. It was an annual event, with booths and barbecue, music by local bands and fireworks after dark.
It was also the last place Riley felt like going three days later when the Fourth actually came around. She was just really down.
She’d yet to work up the nerve to get a hold of Josh and declare her love and intention to be his forevermore—if, after everything, he still wanted her to be. She wasn’t sleeping well, and she had to exert constant effort not to be grouchy with everyone—including her innocent child, who knew all about the Fourth of July celebration because they had talked about the holiday and its meaning at daycare.
“Everyone is invited, Mom,” he announced at the breakfast table that morning. “We have to go. We have to celebrate our country. It’s going to be great, and there will be fireworks when it gets dark. Shane can’t wait, and I can’t, either! We need to be there early. They have all kinds of games for kids. There will be races and water balloon baseball…”
She didn’t want to go. But she could not look in her little boy’s shining eyes and tell him no, they were staying home—because his mom was a big chicken and totallyafraid to face the man she loved. She just wanted to stay home and obsess over whether or not she still had a chance with Josh after having made it so painfully clear that the two of them were through.
But she didn’t stay home. At noon they climbed in the car and headed for Patriot Park. They could have walked it. But Dillon would probably want to stick around for the fireworks and that show could run till after ten. Dillon might be asleep by then. She could walk back easy but maybe not while twenty-five weeks pregnantandcarrying her five-year-old son.
When they left the car and entered the park, it seemed like everyone in town was there. The air smelled of slow-smoked barbecue, and most of the local businesses had sponsored booths. Some served food. Others offered carnival-type games. Party lights were strung in the branches of the birches and sycamore trees.
Annette was there with Miles. They’d already claimed a picnic table in the shade of a bur oak. She waved them over and grabbed Dillon in a hug.
“Grammy,” he announced as she lifted him up in her arms. “I have to go find Shane. It might be time soon for the three-legged race, and we want to be in it.”
“Well, all right then, young man. Come back and see me later.”
“Yes, I will!” He wrapped his arms around her neck and kissed her cheek with a loud smacking sound. “You can come watch me and Shane race,” he said as she set him back on his feet. “You, too, Miles!”
Miles was nodding. “I saw them setting up the games. They’re in the open space by the horseshoe pits.”
“We’ll be there,” Annette promised.
Dillon grabbed Riley’s hand again. “C’mon, Mom! Let’s go find Shane…”
Finding Shane didn’t take long. The Bravo clan had gathered not far from the improvised bandstand and portable dance floor. Riley spotted Macy right away. They waved at each other. She saw Josh’s mom, Abby, and his brother, Ty, too. They were all smiling.
Which eased her mind a little. Somehow she’d pictured them avoiding her, the family treating her coolly because she’d broken things off with Josh.
But her fears had been unfounded. They were good people who wouldn’t judge her for making what she knew now was a sad, self-destructive choice.
Not that they were necessarily even aware of what went on between her and Josh. He wasn’t the kind of guy to put his private business on the street. Or even to mope around about his problems in front of his family. If he’d said anything about things not working out the way he’d hoped with her, it would have been said privately, one-on-one.
