“I’ll be there,” Macy promised.
Riley went straight to Annette’s office. “I’m taking threehours for lunch today, eleven to two—as long as that works for you?”
“That is a wonderful idea,” replied Annette. “We’re in good shape here. Enjoy.”
“I will—and, Annette…”
“Hmm?”
“I’m sorry I was such a jerk about…well, you know. The Josh thing.”
Annette emerged from behind her desk with arms outstretched. Riley went into them. “I love you,” Annette whispered.
“I love you, too.”
Annette stepped back with a smile. “And there is nothing for you to be sorry about. I have my opinions and I have no compunction about sharing them. But I do realize that you will make your own decisions.”
* * *
It was a beautiful day, the sky pale blue with a few wispy cirrus clouds drifting above the gray humps of the mountains. Riley set up a folding table on the back porch and served ham and mozzarella panini.
“You have that look,” Macy said after five minutes or so of idle chatter as they munched their sandwiches and sipped iced tea.
“Which one is that?”
“Stressed. Confused. Torn up. Unhappy…”
Riley closed her eyes, sucked in a slow breath and confessed, “Yeah, well. You’re right. On all counts. And as it turns out, Annette is in total agreement with you. She said what you said.”
“Which is…?”
“That it’s too late for me to walk away from Josh because I’m already in love with him.”
Macy reached across their little table to cover Riley’s hand with hers. “What can I do? How can I help?”
“Am I a jinx?”
“What?” Macy pushed back her chair. “No!” She pulled Riley up, too. “Come here with me…” She took the few steps to the porch swing and sat, pulling Riley down next to her. Then she caught Riley’s other hand, too. “Look at me.”
Riley faced her friend who was looking a bit blurry now. She sniffled. “I am not going to cry…”
“It’s okay,” Macy whispered. “Cry. Don’t cry. It’s all good.”
“Oh, Mace. It doesn’t feel good. It’s…frightening. And painful. I worry—I mean, I try not to. But sometimes, I think of my mom. And then my dad. And then TJ, too. And then I think, what about Dillon? What about this little girl inside of me? Am I jinxing them, too?”
“Stop. You know that’s not true. You are no jinx. There is no such thing as a jinx, not in reality. The concept of a jinx is a superstition.”
“Well, I know that. But still. Macy, they all died, and they were too young to die.”
“Yes. You lost three people you loved very much. That is a tragedy. But that they died is in no way your fault. It’s a false correlation to think that you’re to blame just because you loved them. Remember, they loved you, too. You made their lives better. Because you are a good person—the best. And you will do anything for the people you love.”
“But what if they’re better off if I’m not around?”
“Stop. Can’t you see? It’s a rabbit hole, Rile. Don’t go down it. Be courageous. Loving is a good thing. Keep doing it, no matter how much it scares you. Don’t ever convince yourself that loving Dillon or your new baby or Josh issomehow dangerous to them. It isn’t. It’s good for them. And it’s good for you, too.”
For a little while, they were quiet, rocking back and forth together on the swing.
Then Riley said, “It’s so scary. Loving someone…”
