“Everything.”
Nodding, he flattens the paper down and leans back against the counter behind him with crossed arms. The flex of his forearms give me flashbacks to last night. I squeeze my thighs and take a calming breath.
“Well, you know that we’ve been arranged by our parents since we were kids. Her father is the governor, and he’s a good one. His own father was governor before him. He wanted to lock in the biggest investors he could and my father wanted more ties inside the political world. So they made an agreement when we were kids. Before we were born, honestly,” he sighs. “I’d prolonged the inevitable, with my thirtieth birthday as a deadline looming over me like a standstill storm. So, naturally, I did my part and tried things with her. We were together for about two years give or take. On and off, if you will. I was just so busy with work. Or just using it as an excuse to spend less time with her.”
I nod, listening despite the fact it’s hard imagining anotherworld where Tyler is so heavily involved. Knowing it was with another woman.
“Shelby is the definition of an old money brat. She’s never had a job and never plans to. Her parents pay for everything. She likes the finer things, but that’s all it was. She wants to be a trophy wife, which is exactly what our parents want—a woman like that for me so I can look more powerful and respectable. A wife who can come to every event, plan all the parties, be just another puppet in the game.”
Regardless of the fact I can’t bring myself to look at him, he still stares at me with those greens.
“She wants me, but I just don’t want her. I tried. I tried my best to love her. Hell, to even like her, but something was missing.” He swallows down a gulp of his coffee and crosses his arms again.
The look on his face almost has me regretting asking, but he’s telling me, and I know he wouldn’t unless he wanted to.
He takes a deep breath and says, “I haven’t told anyone this part simply because, it’s fucking embarrassing. But I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you because I trust you, Sunny.”
What did she do to you, Tyler?
I nervously trace the lines of the black and gold marble countertop, trying to create space for his voice.
“As you have observed, Shelby can be handsy. I just…” his voice falls. “Shelby is frail. I could snap her in two…if I was able to.”
Rage kindles inside my chest. I don’t even know what Shelby did, but it’s enough to make Tyler hurt and that’s enough to makemehurt.
“Shelby is a kinky bitch. I’m never opposed to anything,” he chuckles, trying to create light in darkness.
It makes me...jealous, knowing Shelby got those parts of him and I didn’t.
“She wanted to dabble in some bondage. I’ve never been oneto say no to any sexual endeavors. I’m all for it. I’ve done bondage before. Many times. Just not with her.” He shrugs, but the tension that lines his shoulders tells me this is something more than casual. Those emerald eyes look at me. “I have one rule with anyone I’ve ever slept with—I will always use protection. I will never sleep with someone without a condom. It’s just too intimate. Too risky. Something that should be shared between two people who truly love one another. And that wasn’t me and Shelby, or anyone for that matter.”
“I understand,” I whisper.
“So, we tried the bondage thing. She had me tied up. Hands, legs. I couldn’t move anything.” He breaks our gaze, looking down while he rubs the back of his neck.
It’s an unexplainable thing, what happens inside my chest. Simultaneously, my heart breaks all over again, only to be put back together by the melted pieces caused by the fucking rage that sets flame inside me.
She raped him.
“Tyler…”
“It’s okay, Sunny.I’m okay.”
It’s not okay, Tyler. This will never be okay.
“I noticed she didn’t have a condom. I told her to unstrap me and that we needed to stop unless she put one on, but she wasn’t listening to me.” He shakes his head. “Despite my efforts to…make it not happen, my body betrayed me. Despite my protests, she continued. And despite any will power I thought I had, my body reacted, regardless.” His eyes close slowly.He blames himself.Shelby violated him in a way no one should ever be violated, and he blameshimself.
“Tyler, you can’t possibly blame yourself.”
“It makes it hard to trust your own body when it does the one thing you wished it didn’t do. I should’ve known better than to be vulnerable enough to let her tie me up. Put me in a position where I wasn’t in control.” A muscle feathers in his jaw.
I shake my head.
“It’s okay, Sunny. I know now it was just a reaction. That’s all. Just my body reacting. But that reaction bit me in the ass. It made me feel so fucking powerless. So fucking stupid. I’m trained to take down a threat. Yet, I somehow let that happen to me.”
“That’s not fair,” I argue.
“I ended up snapping the restraints. Too late, of course. I grabbed her by the neck and slammed her against the wall. I could’ve killed her. I let go before she passed out on me. Giving her back the life she doesn’t deserve. And I hated that she got so under my skin that I was able to snap that way. I was a glimpse of Mitchell.” He stares at nothing in particular. “I broke up with her immediately after. A few weeks later she told me she was pregnant.”
