For a moment, my thoughts drift off to Uncle Niko. I never got the chance to talk to him after I killed Luna. She was his niece, too. Whenever Mom was close to giving up on finding her, it was Niko who told her they needed to push through. Jane, Niko, and Mom were an inseparable trio of siblings. None of them deserved any of this.
Then, my ears perk when he mentions Aria’s diligent work.
“Don’t tell me she’s doing it alone.”
Cove shakes his head, and I feel instant relief. “No, of course not. Freya — for whatever reason — has been very cooperative. Blair’s been trying to help as much as possible, too.”
“How is she doing?”
Cove pauses for a moment. “She’s gained weight a bit, which is good. I’m worried about other things, though.”
Worry immediately floods me, and I push myself off the wall, taking steps toward him. “Speak.”
“I’ve given her the meal plan, and she started doing some light training, which has been helpful. But… I don’t know. There’s something off about her. I just can’t put my finger on it.”
“What’s odd? Is it her behavior?”
Cove nods. “I’d often find her just… staring into the distance, and she’s not really present.”
“That’s not that unusual, is it? She’s been through hell and back.”
“Yeah, but once you see it for yourself, you’ll know what I mean.”
“And when will that be?”
“Arlo,” Cove stands up. “That’s up to you. You’ve turned into an alcoholic, and we’re doing everything we can to help you. But you know as much as I do that unless you want to help yourself, all of this is useless. Think of what’s at stake. We need you more than ever. And Blair needs you, too.”
His words cut deep inside. I’ve found solace and comfort in alcohol, because it allowed me to shove down all the anger that was threatening to possess me. I never wanted Blair to know me as an angry person who couldn’t control their actions. Drinking alcohol helped soothe all of that, to mask the rage that I wanted unleashed.
In the midst of it all, I never stopped to think how all of this would affect my butterfly or anyone else around me. Because I didn’t want to. The guilt inside of me made it impossible to think selflessly, and all I wanted was for the pain to go away.
Now, I’m forced to deal with it. I need to be the man Blair needs, the man I vowed to be for her. Because the current me doesn’t deserve her. She deserves stability, love, care, and safety that I can’t provide while intoxicated. It’s a hard decision, because I’ve been drinking since Blair was kidnapped, five months ago.
I’d drink half a bottle of whiskey every day until I eventually replaced water with alcohol, any that I could get my hands on. It’s still evaporating out of me, and I miss the taste of recklessness that it left on my tongue.
“It’s not easy, Cove.”
He puts a hand on my shoulder, looking right into my eyes. “I know. It’s fucking hard. But you need to remember that you’re not alone. You have people who love you and who will do anything to see you get better. And we’re not going anywhere. We’ll wait until you’re good enough to join us.”
“Thank you.”
He nods, and my eyes drift to the duffle bag on my bed.
“What’s inside?”
“There’s a letter from Aria, some clothes and toiletries that I bribed to bring in, by the way. You owe me a few hundred bucks for that.”
I snort. “Fine, fine. Does Hudson know I’m in here?”
He shakes his head. “Not that we told him, no. Aria’s doing a pretty good job of stalling him. But it’s Hudson De Santis, I’d lose respect for him if he didn’t manage to find out somehow.”
“Right,” I sigh, sitting on the bed and opening the duffle bag.
“How come you haven’t tried killing your way out of this place?” Cove asks, genuine curiosity in his tone.
My hand rummages through the bag until I can feel the paper in my hands, pulling it out. “I thought about it, but the first week here was terrible. I was barely standing on my own two feet. I was definitely not able to do anything. Then, when that passed, I just realized people here aren’t to blame for this — you are, for putting me in this place. Once I’m out, watch your back.”
Cove flips me off. “You’re on.”
