ONE
Asoft gleam sneaks through the curtains, and I blink a couple of times, trying to wake myself up. When my eyes finally peel open, I find myself snuggled against Arlo, his strong arms wrapped around me in a tight grip. A small smile tugs at the corners of my mouth and I snuggle further into him, enjoying the warmth, the smell, the safety this man provides.
Arlo opens his eyes, and I can’t help the smile that forms on my face when I see the look in his eyes. Pure adoration, admiration, and a love that I’ve never known before. My heart tightens in my chest, and although I know that we have a longbattle ahead, I know we’ll get through it, together. All that matters is if he’s by my side, we can, and we will do this.
“Good morning, Butterfly,” his hoarse voice reaches my ears, and a pleasant shudder runs down my spine. He starts trailing idle patterns underneath my shirt, tracing out my back.
“Morning,” I kiss his shoulder softly, and he chuckles, pulling me to lay on top of him. Gently, he pushes a strand of my hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear. “How did you sleep?”
“I always sleep wonderfully when you’re next to me,” he leans in a little, kissing my forehead, and I all but melt under his touch. “No nightmares last night?”
I shake my head.
It’s been difficult to deal with it all. Once the adrenaline of everything that happened wore off, the nightmares struck yet again. This time, though, they’re more violent, and I can’t even count how many times I’ve woken up only to throw up because of how bad they are.
Everything is slowly coming back to me, all the memories. Everything that those bastards did to me while I was kidnapped, and just when I think I am able to put it all behind me, it happens again.
I’m stuck in this loop of internal pain, the trauma is getting too much for me to handle. It’s been hard on Arlo, too. He’s not saying it, but the look in his eyes is always telling. The guilt he feels, he’s hurting for me, and I don’t know how to lessen hispain. Deep down, he’s still blaming himself for everything that happened. None of it was ever his fault, and the fact that he will never believe my words is also eating me alive on the inside. It’s only more proof that I’m holding him back. He deserves so much better, more peace than I could ever offer him.
Heroin has been helpful. My nightmares have been waking me up, and I’m always drenched in sweat. The pain manifests itself physically and often I don’t make it to the bathroom – I end up vomiting all over myself. In rare cases where I manage to push myself enough, everything lands right next to the bed.
Arlo’s almost always there, and the worry on his face is what makes me continue to use – when I use, I don’t have nightmares. He holds me, cleans up after I vomit, and tries to reassure me that all of this will come to an end.
When he notices that the nightmares aren’t there, the relief and joy on his face are the reason I feel slightly guilty. He thinks it’s his presence, but in reality, it’s because of the drugs. However, I know it’s only temporary.
Until all of this is over, I’ll continue to use heroin. Sure, the amounts I’ve been on are likely more than normal, but that’s just because I have unlimited access to it. I’m not addicted to it though, I know I can stop whenever I choose to.
I just choose not to right now.
“None,” I smile.
I know he doesn’t believe me, his brows narrowing a fraction; but he doesn’t push it, he never does. It’s one of themany reasons this man is beyond perfect, and why he deserves someone better than me, someone who will be able to match how perfect he is.
“Alright,” he kisses my forehead again, then pulls my head forward so I’m laying on his chest. The sound of his steady heartbeat makes mine skip a beat or two, and I can’t help but close my eyes, basking in this little moment of peace.
“What are your plans for the day?”
“I have to go with Aria to see Mom,” he murmurs. He runs his fingers through my hair, gently detangling the knots. “Then we’ll go to see Dad. Do you want to tag along?”
“No, next time,” I mutter. “I’m going with Kaya to see how Amy’s recovery is going, then tonight, we have planned a girl’s night. Aria should be joining us, too.” I lift my chin up, propping it against his chest. Arlo quirks a brow, amusement dancing in his eyes. He doesn’t stop moving his fingers through my hair, then he runs into a particularly stubborn knot, that he gently tries to detangle it.
I’m practically melting on the inside. He’s always doing small things for me, to show me he cares. I know he cares, the fact that even these stressful, painful times aren’t stopping him from showing me his affections make me love him even more.
“Where are you going?” he asks gently.
“Oh, just the base. We’ll grab some takeout, then play poker. Apparently, Aria can play very well.”
“Oh, she can. But she can also cheat, so be careful.” he says with a playful tone to his voice.
I chuckle. “Yes, I figured she might. She doesn’t seem like someone who knows how to lose.”
“You don’t even know the half of it,” he snorts. “If she loses, she’ll throw a tantrum, and probably shoot someone. It’s in your best interest to let her win.”
I laugh. “Noted.”
“Hey, I have a question.”
I hum in response, tilting my head to the side. His eyes never leave mine, and when he speaks, his voice lowers a little.
