“Oh look, more.” He nodded above our heads to another bustle of mistletoe before spinning me and kissing me in the same way he just had. And then he repeated that in front of every storefront where Gloria had hung mistletoe. It happened so often I was starting to wonder if Calvin had been in on it, but I also didn’t care in the slightest.
By the time we got back to the farm and bed and breakfast, it was bustling with people. Even though it was cold and the prairies were officially covered in their layer of snow that would be here for months to come, everyone was bundled up and sipping from thermoses. Trixie had set out large decanters full ofcoffee, tea, and hot chocolate, and her and Melody had done a ton of baking for the event.
It had seemed the whole town had truly come together for the holiday spirit. The Stewarts had hitched up their horses and were taking families for sleigh rides, and the Watt family had brought over their cute little family of goats that were all dressed up like reindeer. If those two were getting along, it truly was a Christmas miracle.
Teddy was indeed dressed up as the most perfect jolly Santa Claus, and there was a lineup of children waiting to sit on his lap to tell him what they wanted for Christmas.
Calvin said they had sold above and beyond what they projected to in terms of trees based on years past, but thankfully they had the ability to provide for the large demand. The smile that graced his face now was more than just happiness, but also relief.
Looking around the farm, I had found a sense of it as well. This community had done so much to heal me in the months since I arrived. Now that I was certain I wasn’t going back to work where there was any risk of crossing paths with Nick, I’d started wracking my brain for ideas on things I could do here. To give back to this little community that had given me so much.
Between the walls of Teddy’s love-filled post office and Olivia’s cute and cozy bookstore, I had found sparks of inspiration. From Cupid’s Cup to Love in Bloom, I had found breaths of fresh air. Inside the four walls of the bed and breakfast, and outside every square inch of it, I had acquired safety. I was determined to give back to this town with the same type of value they had given me.
We joined a group that was singing Christmas Carols and roasting marshmallows around the fire, and I swear, when I went to bed that night I heard bells flying high above my head.
“It wasn’t enough.”
Crack.
“File for bankruptcy or sell the farm.”
Crack.
My mom’s words echoed through my head, and I tried to blink back the tears as I chopped log after log. We didn’t need any more cut, but I also couldn’t stop. The bank was threatening foreclosure so we had to decide.
Crack.
After the busy holiday bustle wore off and we graced into a new year, Mom finally had a chance to tally everything up. Turns out it was arecord-breakingyear all around. We made the most money than ever before during a holiday season…but it meant nothing as we also lost the most money we ever had during the year.
I loved my dad, I truly did. Losing him was the hardest thing I had ever gone through, and then losing my grandpa shortly after almost killed me. But my dad wasn’t good for Hart and Heart Logging. He loved theideaof the business more than the actual work, and when he left us with heartbreak, he also left uswith too much debt to crawl away from. We were paying more in interest to loans he’d taken out than we had been able to bring in for years.
I was sick with anger. With my dad for letting things get to this point, with my mom for downplaying things for so long, with myself for not being able to find a way to fix this now.
There was no coming back from where we were. We were so badly in debt that our only two options were file for bankruptcy or sell the space that my family had lived in for generations. I couldn’t fathom it.
A frustrated yell escaped me as I slammed the axe into a nearby tree, sitting down on my large splitting log outside the home I had built for myself that I was likely going to lose soon. I buried my head in my hands and tried to catch my breath. It all felt too fucking hard.
Until a soft set of hands started running fingers through my hair, and a forehead pressed against mine, filling the air around me with that vanilla almond scent.
“Breathe with me, okay?” Her voice was whisper soft, and I did my best to match her steady inhales and exhales.
Her hand moved from my hair, bringing it to my face. She started wiping my cheek with her thumb while she kissed the other side of my face. I hadn’t even realized I was crying.
“I’m so scared,” I admitted to her, my voice breaking on the last word.
“I read in a book once—and have told myself many times since—‘It’s okay to be scared.Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.’We might not know what that is yet, but if I know one undeniable thing about you, Calvin Hart, it’s that you arebrave.You don’t let any fears stand in your way when it comes to the way you show up for your family and your community. Think about the way everyone came together for Christmas, they are going to help support your family through this, too.”
Her voice was soothing, but her words did nothing. She had no clue how much we were in debt. It was a number you couldn’t come back from. This wasn’t just another good idea for a fundraiser that was needed. This would have been erasing decades of bad choices made by my father.
“I can’t ask anyone to fix this for me, Stella, it’s not possible.”
“Accepting help is different than a handout, your family has helped me see that.”
I just shook my head in response. There was no way to make this better.
She must have realized she wasn’t going to change my mind as she stood up, and I realized what an asshole I had been that she had been kneeling in the fucking snow this whole time.
“Come on,” she demanded, grabbing my hand and pulling me up to stand with her. “You are going to let me take care of you for a bit now.”
