“It was no trouble.”
“Yes, it was. The longer I know you, the more I see what a selfless, compassionate man you are. You put others before yourself all the time.”
A blush tried to rise in Walsh’s cheeks, but it was curbed by the pallor of uncertainty.
“I’ve taken advantage of that selflessness,” she went on. “Taken advantage of you.”
The light went out of his eyes, and it took a piece of Caroline’s heart with it. She’d dreaded seeing that shift more than she dreaded the words that were to come.
“When you began paying calls,” she said in a gentle voice, “I couldn’t conjure romantic feelings toward you, but I told myself it was because I was still so brokenhearted. I believed what everyone was telling me, that I needed to get on with life, that feelings for someone new would come if given enough time. But the truth is they haven’t.
“I know you said you want me regardless, but I can’t let you consign yourself to such a union. You are one of the kindest, most honorable men I’ve ever met, and you deserve a wife who will love you with her whole heart.”
Walsh lowered his gaze and exhaled a breath ladened with disappointment.
Caroline reached out and covered his hand with hers. “I never intended to hurt you, and I pray that what I’ve said hasn’t come as too much of a shock.”
He lifted his head, sorrow giving way to resignation that was edged with a modicum of relief. “To say I’m not hurt would be a lie. But shocked, no. You were honest with me two years ago. Then yesterday… I wanted to believe what I saw in your face was just grief beneath a heavy layer of fatigue, but I knew better.”
“I feel terrible for letting things drag on so long,” Caroline said, blinking back tears. “I’ve stolen years from you.”
Walsh shook his head. “I hold myself equally responsible. And I could never consider time spent with you as wasted,” he added with a sad smile.
“I feel the same way about you,” she said in a raw whisper.
Walsh rose, and Caroline followed him to the foyer. After he’d shrugged on his coat, she stood on her toes and planted a kiss on his cheek then backed away. He held her gaze for a long moment, but whether he was soaking up the last of their timetogether or working up the nerve to say something more, she wasn’t sure.
“You haven’t mentioned Mr. Maguire,” he finally said. “Would you consider me a boor if I enquired about your visit with him?”
“Not at all,” she replied and meant it. It would feel good to clear the air regarding Jackson and not leave Walsh with any lingering doubts. “Seeing him again was very difficult, and the circumstances didn’t help, but we reached an understanding and parted as friends.”
A crease appeared between Walsh’s brows.
“You expected a different answer?”
“When you ended our alliance, I thought perhaps you did so to free yourself to be with him.”
“I ended things with you for the reasons I gave, nothing more,” she said with tempered firmness. “I still have feelings for Mr. Maguire, and he claims he still loves me. The problem is I’m not sure it matters.”
Jackson stood staring out the kitchen window. Twelve days had passed since Caroline left for Pennsylvania, and he was fit to be tied. One minute, he’d embrace Amanda’s dying wish for him to find happiness. The next, he’d have himself convinced a forced life of solitude was his lot—a divine punishment—and that he didn’t deserve to have the woman he’d hurt.
But what about atonement and making amends? Shouldn’t he right the wrong if it was within his ability to do so?
Caroline still loved him. He’d seen it in her eyes. And though she’d spoken fondly of Mr. Duffy, her feelings for him were lukewarm. He’d read her letter to Noah, hoping for a clue to thedirection of her mind, but it was a simple, lighthearted missive that gave nothing away.
Peggy would leave St. Louis in three days to come for his children if he didn’t send a wire and stop her. He felt like Jonah dodging the saddle, not knowing which way to run. Except it wasn’t captivity he was afraid of. It was being alone.
Jackson pushed the quandary to the back of his mind and sliced some roast beef for lunch. Celia had brought the children home the previous evening so they could spend Sunday with him, and they’d be hungry before long.
Before she’d climbed back on her buggy, she’d looked him square in the eye and said, “You best tell those chilluns what’s afoot, and tell ‘em soon.”
Celia almost never spoke to him like that, and she was right. He needed to prepare Noah and Jewel for their new living arrangements. But he kept putting it off, hoping Caroline would return.
Noah got up from where he and Jewel were playing and began setting the table without being asked. “Papa?”
“Hm?”
“How much longer are we going to stay with Miss Celia?”
