Jackson turned, scooping up his son and bringing him closer. “Of course, you may. What do you think about your new baby sister?”
Noah peered at Jewel, his brow furrowed in concentration. “She's awful small.”
Amanda gently tugged on a lock of his hair, which was so badly in need of a trim it had started curling up at his collar. “You were that small once.”
Noah studied his sister a few moments more then squirmed to be put down. “I want to go outside.”
Amanda looked to Jackson with a tightening brow.
“Please, Papa.”
Jackson debated how he should answer. “You can go out in the yard.But,”he added, grabbing hold of Noah’s sleeve so the eager little scamp couldn’t take off before he’d finished giving instructions, “you must stay where you can see the porchat all times. If you encounter any wild animals or people, run to the house and come inside immediately. Is that clear?”
“Yes, sir!”
Jackson held on long enough for his stern-father glare to get the point across, in case his words hadn’t. “Go,” he said, releasing Noah and sending him off with a playful swat to his backside.
“I worry about him,” Amanda remarked as his little booted feet clomped their way down the front steps.
“I do, too, but he needs to learn to take care of himself and not depend on us to watch for danger.”
Jackson slid an ottoman over and sat on it. “I dropped off the laundry at Celia’s while I was in town.”
“Oh, Jackson... I appreciate the thoughtfulness, but I’m capable of doing my own wash.”
“I know you are, but you’re still healing. And, frankly, Celia needs the work. I persuaded her to move here. The least I can do is help her succeed.”
Celia was a former slave who’d attached herself to his regiment and functioned as a cook and laundress, in hopes of earning enough to make a life separate from the plantation where she’d been raised.
Amanda planted a kiss on Jewel’s forehead as she slept. “I suppose we can spare a few cents for a good cause.”
“I also sent a telegram to your family, announcing Jewel’s birth.” Sagebrush Springs didn’t have a telegraph station, but messages could be sent and received by relay to Fort Kearney. “I’ll make another trip to town in a few days, in case your mother sends a reply.”
“I hope she sends an update on Father.” Amanda looked up at him with moist eyes. “I wish Caroline would write. It’s been four years.”
Jackson did, too, for Amada’s sake. He’d risk gouging the wound in his heart wide open if it meant his wife could reconnect with her sister.
He’d hurt Caroline deeply—that wasn’t in question—but he didn’t know what to make of her silence when it came to Amanda. Caroline had always been perceptive beyond her years, and she’d had plenty of time to mull the situation over.
He’d truly thought, once she got over the shock, she’d figure it out.
His shoulders sagged with indecision and regret. “It upsets me that I’ve come between you. I’ll write to her if that’s what you want.” He’d offer to tell Caroline in person, but it would leave his family unprotected. And, even if Caroline consented to see him, he doubted he could face her.
Amanda’s eyes searched his, reflecting the ambivalence. Explaining the reasons they married in writing would expose shameful secrets if the letter fell into the wrong hands. She knew it as well as he.
“It’s up to you, Mandy,” he said gently. “You're married now. Even if the truth got out, it wouldn't be the scandal that it would've been then.”
She blinked back tears and shook her head. “But it would still upset my parents. And it could harm the reputation of the family business—something that they don't need with Father incapacitated as he is. I’ll keep praying for God to soften her heart.”
Jackson stood on the porch that night, staring out at the vast Nebraska sky, his mind wandering to thoughts of Caroline, as it often did in quiet moments. He could almost see her standing in the moonlight, her face glowing with the love they once shared.
He closed his eyes and relished the image, allowing himself a moment of weakness. “I'm sorry,” he whispered. “I hope you've found happiness.”
The door creaked behind him.
Amanda stepped out, wrapping a shawl around her shoulders. “The children are asleep,” she said as she came and stood beside him. “Is everything all right?”
He’d spent so much time out here wrestling with the demons of his nightmares, she likely thought memories of the war were plaguing him again.
